Divorce

Yes, it is sad but true. I look at it as a new path of growth. An oppurtunity to move beyond that which I know. He was making me feel limited, stifled and unappreciated. So I moved out awhile back. I'm making it official now, and telling the world (because he forces me too!) that I have moved on and will not be coming back.

I now live here and we are blissfully happy, she and I. Come visit me sometime!

Retiring

I am retiring this blog. it's been fun and great to me, but my life has changed so much that it doesn't fit anymore and I have to move on. I might start another one at some point, but not right away. I will let some of you know if that occurs.

Email me if you need my flickr info.

thanks for all of the wonderful comments and laughs these past couple of years!

Swarmed by children

I want to blog. I really do. And I even sit in front of the computer long enough to probably write something down, but it probably would be unintelligible, short and really really badly spelled. It seems that when I'm at the computer there's not much time wasting going on. I'm either paying bills, or selling things on craigslist or ebay, or balancing the checkbook or throwing pictures onto flickr really quick. and as soon as I get a chance to do those things a child appears to demand attention.

Who are these little beings in my house? I didn't ask to have my time interrupted into little time pieces of "me" time.

I haven't been able to construct a clean linear thought to even write down. And those that I have are completely inappropriate for this audience. So...here I sit. Blogless.

Oh...here's a cute story.

My girlfriend Kate turned 30 this past weekend, so we drove to Squarebanks (yes, all people in Fairbanks are square)(thank goodness Kate lives in North Pole!) to help throw a surprise party with her family. It was a great party and a great trip. On Saturday we were laying around her beautiful little house having chocolate martinis and gabbing when she decided I needed my toenails painted!

What kind of friend, on her birthday, at her own house, decides to paint someone else's toes? Not only did she paint them, but she practically gave me a full pedicure. She's spectacular! And my toes look beautiful...see -



So I think me and my new pretty toenails and wacky bunion will be going out on the town tonight. I'm talking BIG TIME! A little Red Robin and maybe a little Kidz Zone Action. (insert cat call here) I'm gonna party it up!

Many many big happenings

Today we married off my Sister-in-Law! Finally got rid of her. Oh wait...she's not going anywhere. Shoot. I knew there was something not right!

Kidding! We went down to Elderberry Park in downtown Anchorage and she got married in front of a beautiful view of the Inlet and Sleeping Lady. It was a very casual, very sweet ceremony followed by yummy Benihana food!

Everyone (anyone that knows her) should send her a congrats! Her new husband is only here for the week before he goes back to Italy, then is deployed to Afghanistan, so she'll be MIA this week I think. hee hee.

Have a great week Ann and David! I am so happy for you two and wish you all the best!

(oh yeah...and we got a Wii!)

This adorable creature is MINE!

Attempting a return

I am sluffing aside the resentment of recent months and coming out of hiding. Hopefully.

We've been busy at my house soaking in the warmer temps. I don't have sandels on yet, but a lot of that may be due to my fear of hurting my feet and aggravating my bunion. Such a disgusting word.

I used to think that bunions were growths that were somehow related to onions. Big smelly wart-like growths that made your feet hideous and disturbing to the public. I have since learned that they are deformities that can make your feet look like they've broken in half. I'm not entirely sure which is better, but I'm hoping to keep mine from looking that awful.

Boog is currently binky-free, however the potty training boot camp is coming up. We're pushing through it next week. The ONLY reason we're not starting today is because I'm selfish and want her new nice easter dress to stay unstained. Right now however she is laying on my bed screaming in waves because I left her in there naked from the waist down after she screamed at me to stop and put her down. So I finished cleaning her off and left.

I did what she asked...am I such a bad mom? Geez!

Bed Bath and Beyond my wildest dreams!

It's like Heaven came and built a place right on Dimond Blvd just for me! I know that most of you may have them in your town and that it's old news, but I had NO IDEA. I now believe I fall squarely into a very large atypical marketing bracket. The "20-30 something mommy who still wants to stay slightly hip but who has an obsession with containers and cooking gadgets".

When we walked in I really had only planned on buying sheets. But they bombard you with 20 foot high displays of STUFF. Pans, sheets, towels, containers, glassware, plates, mirrors, clocks, and on and on and on... It was so crowded that I didn't have time to stop and look in one spot. We literally had to keep moving. It was all about the 2 second "do I buy" decision.

We spent $50 and I never even got to look at sheets. But hey - I have a new fantastic mickey mouse waffle iron! Cause, uh, well...I NEEDED it! Ok, so I did leave with some things I needed like a new can opener and felt pads for our furniture and a new set of glasses that were only 10 bucks! And they were EXACTLY what we had been searching for for an entire year!

I told Hubby that he'd better keep me on BBB watch because I may overstay my welcome. When I escape the house it may be to browse the many aisles of wonder instead of my mundane trips to the bookstore and Joann's. Sigh, the plight of a container obsessed middle class mommy.

An Appropriate Forward

I got this from the most AMAZING Woman today. She felt it appropriate for those she sent it to, and I agree so much that I'm going to post it for ALL to see!

"Oh, how I wish my dad would get sober." "Oh, how I want my friend to get help with her eating problem." "Oh, how I wish I could make my mom understand."

When we become obsessed with how we want others to change, we put our own happiness on hold. As we wait, hoping and scheming about how to get others to see their many problems, we are neglecting ourselves. It's almost as if we think it's not fair for us to be happy when others are miserable. But when we detach with love, we still care, we still pray and wish for the best, but we know that other people's problems belong to them, not to us.

Today let me accept the fact that if I detach with love, no one will die from it. I'll just be more healthy and happy.

You are reading from the book: Our Best Days by Nancy Hull-Mast

For those who watch Scrubs

The Todd Time

Moving On...

Changes in life are unpredictable and can sometimes freeze you in a state of resistance. I was frozen and unchanging and wanting to find the rewind button for some of the things in my life. This blog has helped and hindered some of those things.

I know for some readers this is the only way they get to see my kids and hear how I am. I know for others it's to hear a good laugh. Only some of you are going to get what you came here for. I cannot promise the laughs, so this site is about to get even more boring than it already is. Most of my humor comes from me making fun of myself or others and it really never feels as good as I think it's going to. So no more self depricating humor (unless I feel good about it).

There's been a lot of change in my life lately that I've initiated and I'd like to keep changing. It makes unexpected changes flow a bit better.

What is the drabble she's talking about? Has Amber gone off of the deep end? Nope. I'm just choosing to be happy. Choosing the things that I want in my life instead of holding onto things I don't want. I heard someone say the other day that you can't have what you want if you don't let go of something in it's place. You can't have that new car if you don't let go of the p.o.s.. You can't have that new relationship if you're still stewing about the last one.

And if you can't forgive someone then you thank them in your heart for what they've taught you and it will make it easier to move on. What have you learned about yourself? About others? About life? Then you can appreciate them for who they are and what their role is in your life.

So sappy little me is not making any promises to blog much anymore. I will continue to post family pictures to my flickr account and every once in awhile I might have something funny to say, or something completely cheesy.

Everybody needs a little cheese in their life sometimes, right? And sometimes I need to knock my ass of it's little high horse and laugh at myself.

Woe is Not Me

You ever have one of those days that's so bad but you refuse to let it get you down. I worked my ass off today reminding myself of all of the amazing things I have to be grateful of. And there is so much. Just writing that makes me less irritated.

But then I woke up.

Hubby and I snipped in the car at 8 AM. Then I got pulled over at 9:30 because my tags were expired. Not just a little. But four months. That's right folks. I'm a dumbass. It's too long to explain why I thought they were current, but the fact of the matter is that I didn't look at my own damn license plate and now I have two tickets. One for $200 that's for the emissions and one that's for $100 for the expired registration. Yippee.

I got pulled over in front of an office building, and after the cop left I sat there and cried with my head in my hands for a minute and when I looked up I had in audience in the office in front my car. Such polite people.

So I moved on and went to the gym where I tried to work out my frustrations literally, but eventually ended up in the Sauna still frustrated. So I laid there and said "thank you" for everything I could think of, down to the orthopedics that are supposedly helping my crappy feet.

I felt better. Then Hubby tells me that to replace his starter will be $400. So, there's $400 plus the $300 in tickets, PLUS the $200+ to get the registration and emissions renewed. Sigh...I STILL did not let it get me too down.

Then we got snippy again.

Then we went to a hockey game (Aces kicked sweet butt, btw) and snipped again.

Then I came home and had to come home and 'feel' things that I have learned to avoid quite well as of late. I got pushed over the edge.

Did I mention I love Grey Goose's?

I'm on my way to bed now, halfway back up to happy. Still slightly down, but have too much shit to do and something has to go. So now all I have to do is decide what has to go. Fun fun...

My funny kiddos

"F-ing Native Jamiroquai"

That's exactly what Hubby said last night about 15 minutes into the Pamyua (pronounced BUM-yo-ah and is Yupik for "encore") show. We were excited to go to the concert, but we really had no idea what was in store for us. Leaving the kiddos behind with auntie was our assumed height of the evening. But then there was the great First Tap Moose's Tooth beer which can't hurt any event.

First it started with all of the Girdwood, music-starved-hippy-chicks to move down front in their swishy skirts and tiny tops with dirty hair. Always entertaining. We couldn't get a good view, so we moved to the wall where we were completely unobstructed except by the incredibly people watching. There was night-at-the-roxbury guy right in front of us who did not move his feet at any point the entire night but jerked his tall body around in every direction possible in rhythm. I'm not kidding - he literally did the Chris Kattan head bob!

My favorite part was during the intermission when Eminem played on the speakers and people were still dancing. Somehow this song inspired the 50-something couples in front of us to get jiggy and a couple about twenty feet away to have a dirty romp while the lights were up. I mean, come on! We're at a funky native pop concert in a small theater and you're grabbing him WHERE? So funny.

Here's a good way for me to help you visualize what last night was like. Add all of these things and what do you get?

Beer
Throat Singing
Funky guitar
Bob Marley
Prince
Great Bass playing
Song in Yupik
Justin Timberlake (I'm not kidding - they did a cover!)
Rastafarian Bongo player
Fan Dancer
Jon Lennon
More hot dancers
Hot singers (seriously - hubby admitted to having a man crush. And the only other guy he's ever admitted that for is Bradley Whitford. Which of course I can FULLY support.)
And no kids!

If anyone ever wants to hear a clip I'll have the music, cause Hubby just told me he's going to buy all of their CDs.

Diet Woes

I've had my diet reduced to nothing. It's always a tough transition, but I'm so grateful after a few days or weeks because of how much better I feel and how much weight I start to lose.

(I just scarfed 3 oreos - please don't turn me into the food police)

However there is a side effect when you up the fiber intake in any diet. Flatulence. I have a big stinky loud butt. I think I may have even passed up my husband in the farting arena. Nothing SBD here (silent but deadly). I've taken to using my new talent to distact booger when she's in the middle of a power struggle with me.

No! Mama!

Yes Booger.

No! No! No!

BBBBRRRRRRAAAAPPPPPP!!!!

giggle giggle (she's all mine now!)

Karma

Thanks for all of the sweet words. I was just having a "moment" (ie. want to stand outside and scream profane words at the top of my lungs while jumping up and down).

Here's a better happier story to share.

Hubby was coming home last night and stopped at a local fast food place to get us some disgusting grub. In his ordering flubbery (because he can never remember all of the special requests I have made) he didn't pay attention to the change the worker handed him back from his $20 bill. He threw it on the seat next to him and drove off. As he was driving down the road he noticed that instead of the $3 and change there was a 5, 10 and five 1's sitting on the seat with the receipt.

Yes, the upstanding, honest thing would have been to turn around and fix it, but then again that would have been a big u-turn.

Anyway...so he thought to himself that he would get himself some good beer to enjoy his beefy barfy goodness with. As he's strolling the liquor store he notices three young girls that look vaguely familiar. It occurs to him that he JUST saw them at the Arena going to a high school hockey game. So he walks up to the counter with his beer and tells the manager.

The manager doesn't believe him! In fact, he said that he didn't even consider them "cardable". So hubby bets him his six pack of beer that they're not 21. The guy totally goes for it and walks over to check they're I.D.s. They were only 16!

So last night we feasted on free burgers and beer. Yay for our good karma.

Relationships Suck

Yes, I know that I'm being negative. But not in a place in my life where I'm not pleased with most of my relationships. They're all out of balance or changing. There are really only two connections that I have that feel solid and normal. Another is me being too judgemental or it's just time to grow apart and another is just too sad and frustrating to explain.

At what point do you decide whether or not a friendship is worth it? How long do you wait when the going gets tough to see if it gets any better? Especially if you're sure neither of you is going to change.

Then, what do you do when you've had an awful fight with someone that uncovers some horrible patterns in your relationship and when you get past the anger to extend the olive branch and start over they hand it back?

I can stand on my own two feet. I have an amazing husband who is always there if I need to lean, but I'd like to have my life back please. Life is too short and I don't want to spend it hurting.

Makes me want to move. blegh.

Officially a Nerd

I'd like to admit my nerdom to the world. For those who watch Heroes they may understand the nerd-like obsession that can occur. I love this show so much that when the http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZsXNnlrnwPgcomes on I stop everything to watch it. Even though I've seen it 4 times already that afternoon. Then when we finally get to watch it and it ends I'm so angry and sad that it's over.

I have to poke at Hubby though too while I'm at it. I was channel surfing the other day and stopped on Star Trek TOS (for those "un-nerds" that stands for The Original Series) for a minute. Booger comes over and says, "Mama, that's Daddy's show". I didn't realize that it was on that much in our house. And apparently I'm not supposed to watch it. So it was easy to respond with, "Oops, you're right!" CLICK...aaahhhhh "E". Gotta love The Soup.

Computer Illiterate

So my new url worked and now it doesn't. And taking care of two children and my house and trying to start a business seem to be taking all of my computer literacy time. So one day I'll get it back up. I apologize for the confusion for those of you who were so excited to see www.ambutt.com. Really, it looks exactly the same as this, I just made an impulse decision and it's now bitten me in the ambutt!

In the meantime let's talk about diapers. I just ordered the most awesome hemp fleece and hemp french terry. I wish I had done it sooner. It's soft and heavy and thin enough to make really trim diapers with great bacteria properties. I'm very excited. Pathetic huh? I get excited about poop catchers.

(kind of like "hammer pants" - my dad called them all day poopers) Ha Ha!

Booger has discovered the undersea world of Ariel. We watched it twice the other day. Hubby tried to convince me that the second time we could sneak another video under the wire, like Dora, or Baby Einstein. He melted from my death glare. I would rather watch The Little Mermaid a hundred times than hear the Dora song, "Bridge, Moutain, Gooey Geyser". Trust me, enough of that and you go a little nuts.

Junior is officially teething. But not his middle bottom teeth but the next two out. pretty cute if he doesn't have any front teeth. He was fairly fussy, but a little teething gel and he was like a rag doll.

He's been a very easy baby. So easy that I've been feeling like maybe he could sleep by himself. Like he was the one that might have a problem not sleeping with me. Boy was a wrong and sad. I set up the playpen in our room last night and laid him in it and quickly realized that I did not like him being separated from me. I made myself get into bed anyway. But within 5 minutes he was awake and when I tried to soothe him back to sleep his just glared at me and screamed louder. So I picked him up and made us both happy.

My Hummus Recipe: Amhummus

I've had WAY too many requests for this recipe lately and too many people don't write it down, so here it is forever for you to look at! (or as long as the internet or this site or I exist)


For best results eyeball it!

2 cans of Garbanzo beans
3 Tablespoons of Tahini (generally located with the peanut butter in your natural foods)
1 clove of garlic (minced)
1 lemon
Olive Oil
cilantro FRESH
salt

I use a handblender, but you can use a food processor for this too.

Smoosh together garbanzo beans, tahini, garlic, the juice of one lemon, and olive oil. Use enough olive oil to make it a paste. If you prefer you can also add water to thin it out. It will mix better in the food processor that way and will spread better as well. Add salt to taste.

Chop up a good handful of cilantro and stir it in. If you put it in the food processor it will just turn your hummus Green. Kind of strange...but festive on March 17th.

That's IT!

Most recipes call for at least 1:1 part tahini to garbanzo. I like less tahini for taste reasons, but also because it cuts the fat. I also like to cut the olive oil content with water to lower the fat. And adding lemon juice in place of water is also an option. Really these general guidelines make for awesome yummy hummus with tortilla chips. You can't really screw it up!

Little Strips of Gold

I have a new jewel in my house. It's called a snore strip. I'm curious to find out why they're not decorated in crystals or gold plating because they are surely the most valuable item we own.

The miracle strips gave me my first night of almost (nursing baby) uninterrupted sleep in a month. Hubby is not a chronic snorer, he just has phases of snoring. Soon he probably won't need to strips to protect his life, but until then he needs to watch his back.

Yeast

Yeast is a bacteria that makes bread rise and also makes cooter's itch. Yes, I just said cooter. It's time for another installment of "TMI in Amberland".

I have been to the doctor more times in the past year than I can count. Mostly for standard pregnancy related stuff. But the last four months I've been battling the monster we call YEAST! (growl)

It started with a diagnosis from my midwife that I had Bacterial Vaginosis. ICK! However she didn't test for yeast so it was more a guess. I still am not sure if that's what I had or if I had both yeast and BV. All I knew was that I could not get my IUD until it cleared up. You figure it out.

I did a 10 day horrible treatment for the BV and made an appointment to get my IUD. This time, they tested for yeast. And that's what I had. Great. So I then did a 7 day over the counter yeast treatment. It didn't work. So I did it a second time. It worked long enough to get the IUD installed.

Then it returned. I did a different over the counter treatment. It left for about a month. It's returned and is making my life hell. On top of my already restricted breatsfeeding diet of no dairy, wheat or eggs I now have to avoid all sugars and acidic foods (coffee, tea, vinegar).

The problem is that every night after I've eaten well all day, I sabotage my efforts by binging on sugar. I KNOW that part of the yeast problem is caused by the sugar but it's like a bad bad addiction. I even know that if I exercise and drink water that it will help alleviate the cravings. But I apparently don't listen to myself.

So after I downed a coke tonight I drove to Barnes and Noble and bought a mocha and double chocolate brownie. YUM!

Thank you for getting as far through this post as you did. I understand it wasn't incredibly entertaining, but you know what? I feel better. Pat yourself on the back for that. I'm proud of you! I'll entertain you later.

New Name - New Attitude?

It seems my life is completely boring unless you start talking about the characters in it. And since I can't go around airing my friend's and family's dirty laundry for your entertainment I have to find other ways to be interesting. Not an easy chore when held up to the lives around me. But I'll find a way.

One way is to rename my blog. Yes, you DID see the word "ambutt" at the top of the page. Thanks to my dear childhood friend girl ferret I have lived with this nickname since the 8th grade (give or take a grade or two).

Let me clarify that this nickname does not indicate that I have a large backside, wide load, or 'am butt'. I am Am, therefore I am. I do not claim to have a smallish posterior either, just not one of such proportions that a nickname is generally required.

No, this name comes from the days of forts made of multiple materials: mud, yarn and sticks, logs, snow, and of course chairs and blankets. From the days of 4-day long sleepovers that gave me smelly pajamas and mittens on my teeth (I have much better dental hygeine now). From the days of notes that did not say anything important, but that told long elaborate stories always ending in death.

Death, you ask? Why death? Were you morbid or sick? No, I am confident I wasn't. Just a little bit warped and incredibly bored in a hick backcountry town. In fact, I was just reminiscing today with girl ferret about how my stories always seemed to include Jonathan Brandis, Tom Cruise (all hail xenu), or green gushing ooze overtaking the world. And then,

I died!

Jr Rolls Over!!!!

Lumpy Sea Butter and Other Things

This will be my last dance of joy in regards to this momentous victory. So cherish it. Roll in it. Be with it. It is glorious!

Hubby and I are out to a romantic candle lit (I caught the bread basket paper liner on fire) dinner at a swank Italian restaurant when the music catches my ear. I realize I know the voice, but not the song. Which intrigues me.

I say, "Hon, I think this is Colleen Coadic."

"No, it's not."

"Yes, I'm pretty sure it is."

He says, "You wanna bet?" with one eyebrow raised.

I agree to the bet. The stakes being pride because really how can you bet monetarily when only one of you makes the money?

I ask the waiter and he comes back with the name of the band and album on a scrap piece of paper. At this point we've moved on to another song and I can tell it's not the same woman singing. He still thinks I'm crazy and don't hear as well as I think I do. The band is Balligomingo. He thinks he's won, but I'm still convinced - my argument being that she must have been a guest performer on the album (she's a local amazing artist)

We get home and hubby gets on the computer, looks up the album and sighs quite loudly. He starts naming the artists on the album and names Colleen. I start doing the biggest most obnoxious, booty-shaking, victory dance that I've ever done. It was awesome.

As far as lumpy sea butter is concerned. I just loved sea scallops. They taste like butter. Little delicious lumps of butter. Lumpy Sea Butter!