Peeing on sticks

One of my favorite pastimes is peeing on a stick. If I could buy them in bulk at Costco I would. It would save me so much time and effort to be able to walk in and grab one of those big red flatbed carts, take it over to the pharmacy section and load on a gigantic case (or two) of little tiny important pee-sticks. Then I wouldn't have to panic every month and buy one (or two) pee-sticks at the grocery store.

Not that I ever expect anything different from the result. It's usually the same, although not usually the same language. Some speak horizontal lines: 1 line is postive, no line is negative. Some speak in plus and minus (self explanatory) and some actually have a digital read out that says "pregnant" or "not pregnant", because only 31% of college graduates know how to follow instructions.

This last time I bought one that spoke in plus or minus, although I didn't read the instructions beforehand because I'm a college graduate. I peed. (I have to brag that I have quite the technique for peeing on sticks, and if anyone needs any pointers, I'm your man.) I place the peed on stick on the bathroom counter and leave. No biggie. I know the result, so I can easily just let it sit for an indeterminate amount of time before reading the result.

I come back into the bathroom 37 seconds later (even though the box says to wait for three minutes) and the result window has a plus in it. hhhmmm...a plus. Doesn't a plus mean positive? No. No, it can't because it's really a negative, so I'll get out the instructions.

read read read...."if there is a positive symbol in the result window and a line in the control window then the result is positive".

Look again. Still positive. Shaking begins. A normal response to such a simple answer. I look, yet again. Just making sure my eyes aren't lying. Nope, still positive. Matches the stupid picture in the instructions and on the side of the box.

It's positive.

It's not even 7 AM and I'm sweaty!

I know that title sounds dirty, but it's just because I just got back from the gym! I started working out with my Doctor (that also sounds strange, but you would just have to meet her to get it) three days a week. It's been really nice, although today she didn't show, which leads me to believe she either couldn't break away from her infant or she was just too sore to get out of bed. That was almost my problem this morning.

I started a quilt this week. I started with a full Queen size in mind and now it's been downsized to a toddler/crib size quilt. After I started pieces squares together I realized just how many it would take, even if I filled in between the squares AND I don't have a place to put it all together that's big enough. It's adorable though - all pastels and baby-like. I'm excited. After that I'll up my expectations to a bigger one.

I have always liked quilts. Liked the way that they felt. The thick heavy texture always felt very very cozy to me. I think sometimes I would prefer it to our down comforter but I'm not ready to start that battle with Joe! :)

We also paid off a debt yesterday! Very exciting! We're one small step closer to being free adults! Well, that's if you don't count my enormous student loans.

I'm not feeling all that sassy today. not sure why...must be the endorphins. But I think I'm goign to go back to bed now and try to sleep for a little while before really starting my day. If Ali's gonna sleep, I might as well snuggle right up next to her and enjoy it.

Broken Record

I feel like a big fat broken record lately...which I should apologize for. I'm sorry.

It's again, after midnight and I've had too much caffeine. I KNEW that it would keep me up, but I figured that since it was a friday night who cared if I stayed up late, except that I was tired, physically. So I'm sitting on the couch watching a movie that joe spent time getting and then felt like I couldn't pay attention to it because I was tired. Then I laid down and my head turned on. This has got to stop. I have got to quit cold turkey. No more coffee or soda.

(I'm having flashbacks of a close friend and his many "cold turkey" moments! LOL!)

Anyway, I have now played a few games of zuma, shopped, read up on caffeine and what it does to your body, as well as the body of your child if they are breastfeeding (yay for me) and found some music online.

Can I go to sleep yet. Nope...doesn't feel like it.

Zuma...here I come.

Christmas Bliss

I am, for the first time in my life, truly enjoying the christmas upswing. Not that as a child I didn't love it, but that's a totally different perspective. As a child Christmas is about you. It's about what you want and dream and can imagine. Then you leave home and it's about knowing that what you want is totally unaffordable to everyone who has you on their Christmas list and having to be happy with the smaller things in life. Not that you're ever unhappy or ungrateful, but that you have to realize that some dreams take time and they're not just going to be handed to you (and I didn't have a childhood of being handed much, but go figure).

I've spent the last ten years figuring out who I wanted to be, and in that time got a degree, got married and had a child. Very textbook if you think about it *ha ha*. But it wasn't until I started being able to shop for the same things that I dreamed about as a child that I regained that christmas spirit again.

I'm sure what I'm saying is something that every parent has realized, and that this is old news to people. Or maybe you always loved/hated Christmas and none of that changed with children.

My best friend has two beautiful children, who are showered with presents every year, most of which the relatives purchase. But every year she is unhappy. She's unhappy with the shopping (which, if you know who I'm talking about, may confuse you!), the family gatherings and the stress that accompanies it all. But this year their family did something really creative - they decided to not buy presents for anyone but the kids and to put money into a pot for an extravagant Christmas dinner. I've never her seen her so relaxed during the holidays.

My stress isn't really attached to gift giving, it's attached to Christmas cards! HA! Every year I vow to get them out and only last year did I get them out for the first time, but I decided to make them! What an idiot idea that was. It took me forever, and I had to make a complicated card. So this year I just went and bought the ones I like and printed off pictures.

This brings up the debate about sending pictures of yourself. I've heard people comment about how they don't care about somebody elses family photo or how cute their kid has gotten (mine is definetely the cutest), but I disagree. I LOVE getting family photos from people. It feels personal and sweet and it reminds me of my friendships with them.

I'm just rambling because I've just finished a cup of coffee and need to get some things done....this is delaying the inevitable trip to the post office and laundry doing. sigh...but they MUST be done.

YAAAWWWNNNNN.....

Just thinking about typing the word yawn makes me yawn! ugh. It's 2:24 in the morning...and time is still ticking. I went to bed at midnight, but after an hour of being uncomfortable and annoyed at Ali's twitches and Joe's breathing/snoring I had to get up. So I came and played four million and three games of Zuma. I am now comforted in knowing that I came out here with the most awful song in the world stuck in my head (Green Day: When September Ends) and I'm going back to bed with it still in my head and with a little Zuma screen dancing around, trying to destroy little zuma balls. yay.

I think I need to lay off of the caffeine tomorrow. and maybe every day after that. This the fourth or fifth night in a row, not to mention a few scattered previous to that. Staying at home means I don't have to get up at a certain time. I just have to be self motivated enough to get my ass out of bed before 10...ahem 11 AM. You would think that wouldn't be difficult since I've been doing it for YEARS!

I just can't shut my brain off. I'm little miss creative as soon as my head hits the pillow. Tonight it's my book idea. Can't stop thinking about it. And I know that if I start writing stuff down that I'll NEVER go to sleep, so instead I layed there and thought about it forever.

Actually I had a dream/idea in my going to sleepy state where I thought up our next child's name. Ketchikan. Have no idea where that came from, but we can call him ketch as a nickname. What do you think? Actually, I think it's freaking ridiculous too. But let's see if someone steals my idea! I bet you they do! Stupid freaks.

Wow...I think this might just have done it. I might have just found enough release to calm my brain down. You guys are the greatest. Look what you've done for me. Please please please....if there is ANYTHING I can do to return the favor, just let me know!

*wink wink*

The numbing of domesticity

I've been struggling to sit down and write about one specific thing. I find that my drive is pretty low and that I just don't have the want to care. I'm just going to grab at a topic that I've been dealing with and thinking about in the past couple of hours and dive in! How about that!

Breastfeeding. But not just breastfeeding, but extended breastfeeding. What is right and what is wrong about it? How long is long enough and how long until it gets to be psychologically damaging? Or uncomfortable? Of course every mother is different and there are many societal opinions on what you should or shouldn't do.

It's been a wonderful experience and a great bond for Ali and myself, but that doesn't mean it's been easy. And it's not that it would be easier to formula feed her, but with everything that's right comes challenges. Not only have I chosen to exclusively breastfeed her but she also cosleeps.

We didn't start out cosleeping, and in fact hadn't considered it. It wasn't until she was three months old and refused to sleep anywhere but in your arms due to teething pain that we decided to try it. And it stuck. We all slept longer and more peacefully. I was able to feed her without physically getting up, which was much better on my sanity since I was working some still.

But now Alison is almost 18 months old and in need of certain boundaries. I hear people pressure me personally to wean her and I see the looks of loved ones and strangers that think I should either stop breastfeeding, stick her in her own bed or both. But when I consider those changes I have to weigh whether or not they are better or easier or whether they are just different.

If I wean her at this point then I'm losing not only the bond I share with her but she also is still receiving much immunological benefit from my breastmilk. She also does not drink soy or dairy and therefore cannot have a replacement for the protein and other benefits that most milks provide.

At night, her nursing tends to frustrate me and make me resentful. Not all nights but some. And most of the time those nights pass and I become appreciative that we have this time because it will not last forever, no matter how I feel at the moment.

We are going to try and night wean her starting tonight. I know that it will be huge battle...so Joe is prepared to sleep on the couch and I may end up needing him to take over at points as well. We thought about having me sleep on the couch for a few nights just to see how she does without me there, but I wonder if she would actually stop once I came back to bed or if she would just slide right back into her old patterns. She is very willful and stubborn - not unlike both of her parents.

Alison playing in the bathtub last night. Busy busy... 

Hagen changing Lovis 

Is his not just BEAUTIFUL? 

Hagen, Jordis and Lovis 

Catching up...still

I'm so slow to recover and get into a pattern. Sorry!

There's a lot to cover, so hang on!

The latest in the brother saga is slightly dramatic and very sad. My parents did everything in their power to help him. They were even able to get him to join the army and look for a job while living under their roof, then one day it got ugly and he took off. Since then he's been drug tested by the army and failed. He is no longer being shipped out on December 29th as planned and is hanging around with his old drug buddies. We're all hoping the best for him, of course, but I know that I'm done. There is nothing I can do for him, and there is definetely nothing he can do for me. Layne is in the custody of his maternal grandparents, which is sad for us becuase none of us are allowed to visit, but we did hear that the mom is doing well. The good thing is that he's with his mother. No matter how screwed up her family really is.

It hurts to know that I couldn't do more. I wish so much that I could have fixed everything for Layne, but you can't save them all. I just want everyone to know that we all appreciate the prayers, well wishes, gifts and happy thoughts that you've given. They have helped keep me sane!

On a happier note - I GOT MY CHRISTMAS CARDS MAILED! All except one, which I'm not sure about. I don't have the address, and when I emailed the person for it I never got a response (unless you count the forwards as responses). So they don't count since it's not in my power to mail it! HA! I have almost all of my christmas shopping done too!

Wow, I guess there really wasn't that much. bummer. I'm not very interesting these days. It's all the domesticity that I'm taking in. All the Christmas decorating and vacuuming. LOL!

Christmas Cards....CHECK!

Yes folks. That's right! I got my Christmas cards out. There are a minor few of you that I cannot seem to nab addresses from but otherwise they are gone! Done! Fine (italian...duh)!

For those of you who don't know my mailing habits all that well....let me fill you in.

We went to Hawaii. I bought many many postcards and spent two hours getting them all ready to go on the second day of our trip. I had yet to mail them on the way to the airport. No big deal, I calmly said to my husband as he rolled his eyes at my procrastination. I will mail them from the airport! I proceeded to drop him and my daughter off at the terminal and take the rental car to turn it in. I handed over the keys and walked off, leaving all of my addressed (but not stamped!) postcards in the console of the rental car. THEN...to try and make up for my mistake I decided to buy more postcards and fill them out before we flew to honolulu. That just wasted $10 of my dollars because my daughter was having a travelling tantrum that lasted until we got home to ALASKA!

So I just want you all to know how proud of myself I am. I know that other people might not be as excited as I am, but it always feels like a major accomplishment when I get mail stamped and in the postal system. Makes me all tingly inside.

Finally on my feet!

I know that it's cliche to say that you need a vacation from your vacation, but that's not going to stop me from saying it. And maybe it's not necessarily a vacation but just a few days to regroup and remember who you are and how you function on a daily basis. I have felt totally wacky the past few days. I'm finally feeling like life is returning to normal. YAY! and yet it's so sad...it's freaky cold out! I know I know....it's only 25-30 degrees and snowing. That's a heat wave for a true Alaskan winter, but it's still not the fabulous 83 degrees on the beach that I just left.

I love Alaska. I really do. I HATE cold. I love not having to layer my clothes. I don't like pants. I would really rather wear shorts all day long. And tank tops! Or just walk around in a bikini all day because it feels better than wearing things that cling. No, I'm not a nudist or an exhibitionist. geez...get your brain out of the gutter. I just find that I feel very constricted in clothes (especially on fat days). Like it's already hard enough to move around all day long, but to slow it down with clothing. ugh.

Anyway, life is settling back to normal. I've been to the gym a couple of times. I'm balancing the checkbook and vacuuming and making the bed and cooking dinner, etc etc. bbooooorrring! But somehow still rewarding! Motherhood is weird.

I have been wanting to sit down and write down my thoughts but they've been so scattered and chaotic. I've been trying to just get grounded and centered. Which is hard enough for me on a normal day. I couldn't sleep last night because there was too much going on in my head. I was scared that if I stopped thinking that I would forget all of the things I kept remembering I needed/wanted/should do or say or have or get. So I started writing things down. And HOLY CRAP! I have written the longest lists in my life these past two days. Crazy ideas and honey-dos and wants.

I think maybe Hawaii is a place to become inspired. Vacations definetely are, but Hawaii really kicks your muse in the pants. I have never really had a vacation where I felt renewed and ready to start new adventures. It's very thrilling. I have been recycling some old pillows in the house by making cuter ones out of their stuffing, I started weight watchers again (only online this time, but I LOVE), and I've been keeping my kitchen spotless and enjoying cooking.

IN FACT, I just made a recipe that I saw on Good Eats today. Anyone who knows me knows I love that show! I think I have a crush on Alton Brown. Anyway...it was about Sweet Potatoes, which I have started to love, if cooked the right way, but I never make them because Joe doesn't like them. So I tried this really easy interesting recipe called Chipotle Smashed Sweet Potatoes. That's right! Chipotle and Sweet Potatoes! It's weird tasting, but still good. Only weird because I had a couple of bites before I added the chipotle and the taste change was a little difficult to handle. But I'm hoping it will be good with dinner. We'll see.

Gotta go cook the chicken now!

On the last stretch of the road back from Hana. Farmland with lots of cattle and horses.  

Circling the other side of the island on the road to Hana (this is where we drove along the cliff face) 

This was in Hana at the black sand beach right in town.  

My new favorite place in the entire world. The pictures does NOT do it justice.  

These trees are super cool! They look like they were painted! 

The first view on the road to Hana.  

Sunset over Molokini - This was on our way back from our circle around the island.  

Amber and Sarah at the head table post nuptials. 

Niki a the Maui Tropical Plantation 

George, Linda, Kirsten, Grandma and Grandpa Hamilton 

Linda Bjore! Can you believe what a hottie she is?  

Niki getting her toes ready 

Courtney (Jason's Sister), Kendra (Kir's Cousin), and Jasmine (Jason's Sister) 

Family Picture at the Maui Tropical Plantation 

Niki and I at the Tedeschi Winery 

Molokini - From the Tedeschi Winery 

Joe and Amber at the Tedeschi Winery in Upcountry. They had great wine and beautiful views.  

Pretty Flower.... 

Mr and Mrs Jason Guerrero

I don't have any pictures posted yet. We're about to head out to drive the Hana Highway, but I just wanted to announce that Kirsten and Jason are now husband and wife. The wedding was beautiful. It was at the Maui Tropical Plantation (www.mauitropicalplantation.com). It was very small and was outside on the grass. All of the bridesmaids had heels, so we opted for barefoot and all of the groomsmen and bride and groom followed suit. Big party afterwards with lots of speeches that made all of us cry more and more. Especially since most of them mentioned Pike. :( It was a wonderful party and a beautiful ceremony. I was very very sad to have to say goodby to Kirsten. And getting to know Jason so briefly was nice but sad to have to end too. So Niki and I are planning on a short weekend trip to see their house and spend some quality time with them.

Lana'i pictures

Niki and I at Lana'i

Sunrise while on the ferry at Lana'i

Lana'i Beach

Niki and I had the most fabulous day at Lana'i today on a beach just a ten minute walk from the dock. We spent the day body surfing onto the shore with Kirsten, Jason and some more friends/family. And Niki and I went snorkeling in this little tide pool where I saw beautiful little yellow and pink and you name it colored fishes. AWESOME!

Lana'i

 

Ali on the beach. The one with the hat is on D.T. Flemming Beach. and the other one is Maalaea Beach in front of our condo.