Friday, May 27, 2005

I want to empower women

Everyone learns from themselves, but they begin by learning from others. They learn from the failures and successes of other people. So why couldn't learn from me? Not that I have any secret knowledge, but maybe I could convince other women that they contain that secret knowledge themselves? I'm a mess most of the time, but I think that my "mess" has created a place of learning that could benefit more than just myself and my family.

I was at my friend's house last night for a Pampered Chef party and in talking with other women about pregnancy and birth and children I realized just how interested I was in everyone's experience. Not to just compare it to my own but to see how each woman viewed the entire experience. I want to hear every detail about the pregnancy, the birth and the infant. I find it to be the most fascinating subject I've ever talked about. But I think my fascination goes beyond birth.

I'm starting to understand how birth relates to everything in the life of a woman. Not that pregnancy is required by women, but that by the mere fact that we can conceive a new life makes a woman's body so much more complicated and that much more beautiful.

If a woman can harbor an entire separate being in her body to take care of, should she not take the best care of that body that she can? I know that I did not when I was pregnant. My baby is perfectly healthy and I'm sure she will be just fine, but I know with my next child I will be much more interested in what goes into my body.

I believe that emotional, mental and physical health encompass each other. So I attempt to heal all parts, but I have never been on-board the eating right train. I attached eating with weight. Period. but I've noticed direct improvements in my energy level and the emotional roller coaster I tend to ride (although I'm always hoping it's just a merry go round). So of course I want to tell the world about how much better they could be feeling, but first they have to realize they don't feel good. And realize that those don't feel good attachements aren't as important as they think.

What does it mean to be "neurotic"?

The definition being:

neu·ro·sis (n-rss, ny-)
n. pl. neu·ro·ses (-sz)

Any of various mental or emotional disorders involving symptoms such as insecurity, anxiety, depression, and irrational fears.
Tension or irritability of the nervous system; nervousness.

When do you cross the line from being a worry-wart or emotional to being neurotic? And when is it unhealthy to be worried? Well, being worried is probably unhealthy from a physical standpoint, but that's not the true point of this discussion is it?

This will be probably the third job I've had where I'm not sure if I'm the real problem? Could I really be that incompetent? I can't be. But when do I start to get concerned that I am? (this is the neurotic part) How can I have been hired three times (or more) by the same people? I swear they are all the same. At this point I have to start to realize that it must be me. Not all bosses are the same way, yet I seem to find them. Inconsistent micromanagers.

I hear people complain all the time about micromanaging, but when is it really a bad thing? I suppose if you wanted to take credit and responsibility for your job you might care, but I don't. So I don't mind getting bossed around. However, half of the time I get told to do what I want, but it never works out. What I do, she doesn't like, so I get to change it again. So why do it? so annoying.

Now I'm just bitching. This really is a practice in standing my ground. I am not incompetent or stupid. I am unorganized and forgettful (at times). But I strive to not be those things. I feel that just because your organization is different from someone elses does not make it wrong or bad. Maybe when you work for a single person in their own business though it does matter. What do you think?

Thursday, May 26, 2005

The Baby Steps and what about Pus?

It's all downhill from here. Walking, then talking, then sex. We're screwed. She officially took her first steps yesterday and has taken a couple more today.

She is having a really fun day of teething. Really it's been a fun week. She acts tired, but just won't go to sleep. She fusses and fusses when you try to lay her down. But if you just let her get up and play she's fine. So the past three nights I've been laying down with her for over an hour trying to keep her fairly restrained and calm. Like trying to hold a bag of cats. No fun. This afternoon we had the same thing. She was rubbing her eyes over and over again. It took an hour of trying to get her to take a nap before she started screaming. I couldn't figure out what to do. She wouldn't nurse, take her binky, sit on the floor, play. I finally pinned her down (because she hates it when I stick my fingers in her mouth) and got out the orajel. She fell asleep about two minutes after that (while she nursed - so now I have a numb nipple). Amazing.

We're going camping this weekend - so more camping picture fun to come! We're going to our home away from home, Tolsona. They have hot hot showers. Yeah...we don't rough it so well.

I'm starting to learn about Macrobiotics. I never thought in a million years that I would be interested in such a vegetable based diet, but it's so unbelievably healthy for you. and the meals that I've had have all been good, diverse, interesting and very filling. I also feel amazing afterwards. I've had crappy food in the last twelve hours, and I can tell the difference.

Of course, the second I told Joe that I found it to be interesting and possible in our house he rolled his eyes. So I told him that I wouldn't talk about it again. I'm just going to start changing my diet slowly and he'll have to come along since I'm the one that cooks. I also refuse to have a chicken nugget/french fry kid. Those are treats, not meals. The more I learn about natural foods and health the more repulsed I am by the cultural "norms" that people ingest on a daily basis. Of course, it tastes good, but do you really understand what's in it and what it does to you?

For instance - this is my favorite thing to tell people lately. In the book "Mother-Daughter Wisdom" by Christiane Northrup she talks about the problems with dairy. Especially with your un-organic store bought dairy. A normal cow produces about 10 Lbs of milk per day. In American dairy farms, with hormone treatment, they produce 100 Lbs of milk per day. This causes their udders to become engorged, which creates scabs from over milking, dragging on the ground, and infections from the strain (any woman that's ever breastfed can feel the pain). In order to fight these infections they must be pumped full of antibiotics, which increases the white blood cell count to fight the infections. Do you know what the everyday term for White Blood Cells is? drumroll please............PUS! The FDA allows 1 - 1.5 parts per million of pus into your milk. but don't forget the hormones (estrogen being a huge one, which contributes to all sorts of health issues in women) and antibiotics. I'm not saying stop drinking milk, I'm saying start drinking organic. No hormones, no antibiotics, just milk. Or switch to soy. It's not perfect for you, but it's better than dairy on your digestive system anyway. :)

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Latest Photos

Just a reminder that I periodically am posting pictures online. You can always click on the link to the right, but when I update I will try and post it here as well.

The lastest pictures of from a Camping Trip we took with Jason, Niki, Salem and Briar to Kenai Lake. Yes, it was a bit early to be camping. So yes, it was cold. But it was a blast!

Camping Trip Photos

Crazy Moms

I think most people would agree that the majority of women are neurotic. Crazed is probably a better term. I'm not trying to be degrading, just honest. Most of my friends have neurotic, obsessive-compulsive tendencies and we just learn to embrace them. But I'm wondering if these mostly women-owned personality attributes are avoidable. My husband doesn't seem to ever have these problems, and most men I know are a ton more laid back than I am (excluding my father, who is the most intense person I know!).

After being on antidepressants, birth control, and having a baby I'm starting to realize just how much my body is run by hormones. I am ruled by them. It's just now occurring to me that the cycle my body runs is following my monthly cycle. I hadn't really been able to pinpoint it until now because since becoming a full fledged adult my body hasn't been drug free or baby free. And now that I am it's starting to do it's own thing, which I can say is not very fun.

For awhile I assumed that maybe there was a manic depressive side to me, or maybe I was broken. It's hard not to think you're broken when you can't seem to deal with everyday stresses. I also investigated the possibility of ADHD. I just wanted a label to attach to my "illness". I'm a victim really.

I think that's the label that will help me to see past the neurosis. If I realize I'm playing the victim to myself, then maybe I can get past it and see the problem for what it really is. Something that I might not be able to fix, but that I can address and learn from. I may not ever be able to control it, but at least I can acknowledge it.

I was watching Oprah the other day and there was this ENORMOUS woman and her twin sister on. Oprah asked her why she hadn't lost the weight she was holding onto and the woman didn't know. So she asked her, "What are you getting out of it?" I never thought of weight and unhappiness that way before. What do you get out of it? If you're so miserable then why would you stay that way?

What am I getting out of being the victim? It's taken me hours of thinking about this. Why would anyone want to admit that they had chosen their misery? I believe my biggest reason is that it's easier to choose failure than to fail trying. It's a much easier to justify why you didn't lose if you voluntarily went to McDonalds, than it is if you just don't have to will power and cut a few corners and don't make your goal.

My doctor is an inspiration to me. I don't think I want to live like her, but to change my thought patterns as wonderfully as she has is motivation. She takes better care of her body through diet than anyone I have EVER met. And she enjoys it. She treats her daughter just the same. It's amazing. I also realize I can't become a different person overnight, and that it's all a process. So I'm processing.

Just don't process too much or you might be considered neurotic! :)

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Bore Tides

I'm sure that I could overuse "Bore Tide" metaphorically in only one journal entry, but I will spare you all. I actually just wanted to share our experience with one.

A few weeks ago when it was getting spring-like outside we took a drive down the Seward highway to Girdwood. On the way there we noticed a lot of cars pulled off of the road, but we just kept on driving since we didn't immediately notice what they were looking at. Then I saw it - A wave that was moving with the car. One, long continuous wave. It's called a bore tide. When the tide moves fast and high enough to create a wave.

A bore tide, or tidal bore, is a wall of water coming in with the tide. It is created by a wide range between high and low tides (more than 35 feet in Cook Inlet) and the narrow, shallow and gentle sloping of the arm. The only places in the United States where tidal bores occur regularly are in Turnagain and Knik Arms.

Bore tides in Turnagain Arm range from 2 to 6 feet high and travel between 10 and 15 mph. Minus tides, new or full moons and high winds contribute to a large bore tide, which may sound like a train. Begula Point is a good place to watch for bore tides, which generally occur about 45 minutes after the predicted Anchorage low tide.


If google "bore tide" you will see just how crazy people can get in the water. We only saw one person and they were kayaking, but there are pictures of people wakeboarding, kayaking and windsurfing.

We pulled over, watched it go by and then chased it the rest of the way down the highway, pulling over at each stop after we had passed it to watch it pass again. There were tons of seagulls and an eagle at the front of it. I wonder what there was to eat for them.

Anyhow, a very cool little trip for me. Especially since I had gone with a couple of friends to watch the bore tide in Turnagain arm years ago and we somehow missed it. I feel that wish fulfilled now.

And everyone else has been properly educated. So YAY for me!