Woe is Not Me

You ever have one of those days that's so bad but you refuse to let it get you down. I worked my ass off today reminding myself of all of the amazing things I have to be grateful of. And there is so much. Just writing that makes me less irritated.

But then I woke up.

Hubby and I snipped in the car at 8 AM. Then I got pulled over at 9:30 because my tags were expired. Not just a little. But four months. That's right folks. I'm a dumbass. It's too long to explain why I thought they were current, but the fact of the matter is that I didn't look at my own damn license plate and now I have two tickets. One for $200 that's for the emissions and one that's for $100 for the expired registration. Yippee.

I got pulled over in front of an office building, and after the cop left I sat there and cried with my head in my hands for a minute and when I looked up I had in audience in the office in front my car. Such polite people.

So I moved on and went to the gym where I tried to work out my frustrations literally, but eventually ended up in the Sauna still frustrated. So I laid there and said "thank you" for everything I could think of, down to the orthopedics that are supposedly helping my crappy feet.

I felt better. Then Hubby tells me that to replace his starter will be $400. So, there's $400 plus the $300 in tickets, PLUS the $200+ to get the registration and emissions renewed. Sigh...I STILL did not let it get me too down.

Then we got snippy again.

Then we went to a hockey game (Aces kicked sweet butt, btw) and snipped again.

Then I came home and had to come home and 'feel' things that I have learned to avoid quite well as of late. I got pushed over the edge.

Did I mention I love Grey Goose's?

I'm on my way to bed now, halfway back up to happy. Still slightly down, but have too much shit to do and something has to go. So now all I have to do is decide what has to go. Fun fun...

In Quarantine

Warning: This post will contain large amounts of whining, bitching, and moaning. Please be advised it may not be suitable for the most sympathetic of people.

I think it probably all started with Booger barfing in my hands. That was just over a week ago. Fun stuff. Then I got a cold. I felt it slowly creep in and it's taking it's time slothing out. I hate being sick. I'm a terrible sick person. I've been pretty good this time, until a few hours ago when the terrible-toddler-whine pushed me over the edge and I just wanted to curl into a ball on another planet.

Even Junior is acting fussy - I think he's teething too. fun.

Then this morning hubby got sick and was in bed ALL DAY! I'm not complaining that he was in bed - I felt really really bad for him. But it still sucked that we were all sick. And that even if I had felt good enough to get out and go to the store, the snow was so crazy that I wasn't going to chance it.

On top of bodily complaints, hubby's car busted this week. Thankfully his sis was awesome enough to let us borrow her truck while she dances around Italy. But we've discovered that Saab shops are strange and annoying. They very obviously don't have enough competition to do the standard phone call when they have an estimate. Or let you know that they're working on it, even though you haven't said it was okay. Or acting as if it was annoying when called and asked "So...how much is this going to cost? When is it going to be done?"

There's a mountain of other things, but luckily I pay someone by the hour to deal with that crazy shit!

OH! And one more thing: The adorable heffalump and roo that hubby found on ebay still hasn't gotten here! Christmas might be ruined!!! AAAHHHH!!!

Wal-Mart and Now Costco?

I never expected Costco to be the soul-sucking excursion that Wal-Mart often is. But today totally taught me differently.

After only 4+ hours of sleep I drug myself out of bed to go get the most fabulous toddler size kitchen (I would post a link - but they are sold out!!! I'll take a picture soon) a little girl could ever want. It was below zero this morning (for those non-alaskans we like to refer to that as "nose hair freezing cold"), and in order for me to guarantee that this fantabulous christmas present would fit I needed to remove both carseats (which have practically been surgically installed) and the double stroller.

Once on the road I call my Mom to brag about how I'm going to get her granddaughter the cutest present ever. I'm so excited I can't stand it. I get to Costco at 8:48 AM and see that the doors aren't actually open. Funny. I call home and hubby tells me that they only open to business members at 9 and normal members at 10. Great.

So I find other entertainment (buying a serger! WAHOO!) just down the street. Get myself a starbucks and come back an hour later. I realize I don't have my membership card and that I haven't seen it for awhile. So I go to the membership counter and get a new one. Then I grab one of those giant flat carts, with my gloves on because my hands might meld with the nitrogen frozen handle, and stroll on in.

I head right for the back of the store, where the kids' christmas gifts are and I don't see it. I'm not entirely sure how big it is, so I'm worried I'm missing it. I stop and ask to other mom's if they've seen where it might be. That's when I meet Franken-mom.

She's so intense that I immediately regret asking her anything. "THEY'RE OUT!!! and they DON'T SHIP TO ALASKA!!!" she practically yells at me.

"Oh? Darn! Ok, thanks", I casually respond, trying desperately to escape.

Then both her and the other woman start telling me where and what I should buy to replace this fabulous kitchen find. One of which is the new Cinderella Kitchen. BARF! That's exactly the toy I want to avoid.

As I slip out of her grip I slowly head back up to the front of the store (call hubby to bitch - he figures out that Costco does ship to AK) then realize I could get a rug instead. Yes, I still plan on getting her the kitchen, but since it's not here and the car is empty I'll just go ahead and use today's moola for the rug we need. I ditch my flat cart and go back to the front of the store (while making this long trip I simultaneously lose and then find my brand new membership card which drives hubby mad) and grab a regular cart.

I find the rug I want but of course, it's the only one left and it's in the back of the box. So I have to go back to the front of the store, find a manager and ask for help. This really nice gentleman comes back and helps me, lifting it like it was no problem (I am such a wuss) and goes on his merry way.

Then I see Crazy Lady again and I stop to let her know that Costco does ship to AK and before I can say anything she grabs my arm and says, "I'VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU! I FOUND THEM! THEY'RE IN THE BACK! WAY BACK! DO YOU WANT ME TO SHOW YOU?"

My arm is dying for circulation and I'm leaning back from the pressure that her demeanor is blasting at my face. I thank her politely, cuss to myself because I've got the rug ready to go and I. want. to. leave. (I've been here for at least 40 minutes already and the only thing I KNOW I'm buying are baby clothes and underwear)

Sure enough, there they are in the back of the store, in the kids section. I just missed them. So I ditch the rug in a random aisle, go all the way back to the front of the store, grab another flat cart, carefully load the giant box onto the cart, grab hubby some underwear (the man only owns 6 pairs!! MADNESS!), get into line, start the checkout process, swipe my American Express gift card, what? It doesn't work? Hubby said they were activated (I have 3 that will cover the entire expense of the kitchen).

So I step out of the line and call American Express. They explain that I can use the cards but there's some special thing the checkout person has to do. Great. I then realize that I've missed my window for getting in line and out the door quickly. The lines are against the turkey jerky now. Fun. After 20 minutes of standing in line the manager gets called because the Russian checkout girl doesn't have any clue what I'm talking about. Manager saves day - and is my morning hero!

Total trips back and forth across the store: 6. Total phone calls to hubby: unknown. How much a good stiff drink is worth to Amber after her morning adventure: Priceless.

Ditzy and unfocused

I can't pin down just one though to write about. There are a few things I'd like to write about but that are totally inappropriate. Which totally sucks because this is supposed to be my voice of relief. Oh well, I guess having a glass of wine works to numb the pain.

JOKING! Can't take a joke huh?

In all seriousness, I'm trying to deal with some things that make me nauseous just thinking about them. And the only thing that will make me feel better is to be honest with someone I love, knowing that it will hurt them. Sucks to be me.

Enough self-hate. I got my hair cut. It's gone. I'm so much happier. Hubby has been very sweet telling me how great it looks, and I believe him, but to me it's more about the fact that I don't have to think about my hair anymore. It's so short that it never moves! WAHOO!

I also am very proud to say that I've made my second attempt at chicken stock and I think it was much more successful than my last attempt. I didn't simmer it long enough last time, and this time I let it boil for three hours. It smelled awesome. Hopefully it will make good soup. We'll see.

I'll try and refocus after I do the awful dirty deed. That will help to clear my head. In the meantime - check out the latest family photos!

Tipping the Scales

And I'm not talking about my fat ass! Hubby and I balance each other out so well it's freaky. The other day everything drove him crazy, especially the kids. And I was little miss cool. Today I've found myself spanking booger. Only one little pat on the bottom (cloth diapered mind you) and for nothing major. I just wanted her to STOP!

Stop talking. Stop pushing. Stop climbing. Stop stop stop.

Some people (including hubby) would not approve of me talking about this online because they think it might give cause to someone to turn me in for child abuse. I'm going against their better judgement because I think it's more important to show that it's normal.

My daughter never stops talking. Unless she's asleep. And even then, she talks in her sleep. So in order to stay sane I start ignoring her. I hate ignoring her. I try so hard to stay engaged with my children. But after she's repeated herself 10 times and I can't seem to be creative enough to get her to talk about something else I get really really irritated and find myself being snotty hoping that she'll pick up on my subtle "can't you tell I don't care" voice.

It doesn't work. But you probably knew that and are laughing at me trying to be sarcastic with a toddler. It just makes me want to cry.

Why would I want to treat her with such disrespect - even if she doesn't get it? AAAHGGGHHHH! She's just doing what she does.

I think it's time to refocus. When she gets in the way of me being productive I get bitchy. So no more productivity today unless she's totally distracted. yay for me.

sigh...time to have a good cry and start today over (even though it's afternoon).

Happy Holidays

For those who aren't Alaskan or live under a glacier, yesterday was the first direct deposit for the Alaska Permanent Fund Dividend. That's right folks, we get paid to live here! It's fabulous, fantastic, and is probably one of the greatest reasons to never move.

I consider yesterday a holiday. Just like Christmas, we wait in anticipation of the glorious gifts we receive and give. Like groceries, bills, and new winter coats. (can you tell where mine went?) So Merry PFD Day!

What I didn't get and wished I had was a sense of renewal. A recharging of spirit and freedom to shop. After being broke for so long I expected to feel relief and instead I was all freaked out to be spending money that looked so pretty in the bank account. Don't get me wrong, paying bills felt great! No more nasty notices, but spending almost $300 at Costco and over $300 at REI was not as enjoyable as I had hoped.

I'm a total whiner. I'm realizing as I write this that I am a spoiled whiny brat. You were probably all thinking that already. Great. I'm complaining that the State of Alaska just gave me 1106.96 times 3 to use as WE please. I'm pathetic.

At least that put me in a less grumpy state. Because besides that I have a really fun thing to deal with: BV. It's a TMI, so I won't expand. Just know that life is lacking in the fun department with you put sleep deprivation on top of that and you've eaten your favorite food and it's caused your child to fart for two days and projectile vomit.

I'm a big ball of sunshine this morning. Bask in my rays.

Blegh

I've spent the past few days with the strangest ailment. And I've had all sorts of different diagnosis opinions given. From the flu to detoxification. I would get nauseous, then chills (no fever though), then a ripping huge headache. But once I took ibuprofen it would all go away after an hour or so. Then the sweating would start.

I woke up feeling fine this morning so I'm hoping it's all over. There's a possibility it could have been Mastitis even though I don't have any redness. My left boob is MAD! I'm not sure what I did to make it so mad, but I'm trying to heat pack it out. I'm hoping to stops hurting at some point.

I think I'm done whining now. I just had to update because I've been mia for a few days.

Another update: Booger's hair has grown on me and I'm no longer a sobbing freak about it. It's actually cute! Imagine that!

Too Damn Early

We've hardly gotten any sleep since 1 AM due to the swinging pendelum of crying children. One starts *swing* the other one starts. Fun stuff. Booger woke up wailing and wouldn't stop. Hubby (after many attempts on both our parts) finally got her to say that she was scared of the airplanes. We can pat ourselves on the back for that one - the Airshow was apparently a bad move.

So we brought her to bed and then Junior started fussing. If he wasn't gassy then he was rattling in his nose and the back of his throat. And of course the nose syringe wouldn't move any of it.

So Hubby is sleeping for a mere 30 minutes as we speak and I'm about to find some food so that I can feel halfway human.

Oh, and on top of Booger being sick I'm coming down with it too. YAY!