Flashback thanks to Google

I recently posted about the amazing world of website statistics albeit brief. I just wanted to expound on this incredible new discovery of mine by letting you know the most common reason random people find my site.

Through Google people can type in the following words either in the main search engine or the image engine: cute bunny, fluffy bunny, or hemorroid. Yes folks, that's right. I said hemorroid! (there were other combinations of those words and others, but I think you get the gist)

And what really makes this terrific is that all of those searches find the same entry.

My Fitness Challenge

I've started a journal specifically dedicated to my fitness journey. I figure if I use all of you to stay accountable I might have more success. I'm starting the Couch to 5K program from www.coolrunning.com.

Please feel free to comment, cheer, jeer and whatever else you want!

I know it's late but DUDE!!

So I'm sitting here with a sleeping baby on my lap, eating too many chocolate covered coffee beans and checking up on my blog stats. Nobody reads my blog (at least that's what my tshirt says), so I don't really care about how many hits I get. (cough cough)

But I was checking my stats on a map, and really looking at exactly who might be checking out my site. I found someone in Buffalo, NY found my site from doing a search for "toddler calls everything dada". I was like #6 in the search engine.

I'm just boggled by someone finding my little baby-brag site through such a specific search. Super cool!

Am I too excited by this? Maybe it's the coffee beans at 1 AM?

Jr's New Wheels

Our arms are aching from holding this kid upright for so long. He really is the most content baby I've ever seen. But he's never more content than when you hold him standing up on your lap. He would do that forever (if he wasn't so fat and got tired). So I broke down and decided that hanging my child by the crotch was a great idea.

More Christmas Video

Christmas Overview

We had a great day. Booger got up and immediately bonded with her new girly kitchen. Yes, I am trying to create a post-war era child, who is subservient, barefoot, and likes to cook. HA HA! Sorry. I couldn't contain myself. Actually, she LOVES Rachael Ray, so we figured we should encourage any imagination that she shows.

Speaking of Food Network, Hubby got me the coolest grill/griddle that lays on both burners. I have been wanting one, and have almost bought one a hundred times, but the one I wanted was a Lodge Castiron one. GUESS WHAT! I got it! YAY!

I got hubby a kitchenaid Ice Cream Maker. He was very excited.

We also got incredibly cheesy matching disney tshirts and slippers. We've spent the last 12 hours eating incredibly fattening sugar filled food, napping and watching movies. IFC (Independent Film Channel) is playing all great movies all day long. So we're in the middle of one of my favorite movies: Moulin Rouge.

Tomorrow I'm heading out early to scour the shelves of Joann's and Lowes for cute Christmas stuff. And maybe...maybe I'll stop somewhere else and see what I can find for fun. ;)

Merry Christmas EVERYONE!

Merry Christmas!

In Quarantine

Warning: This post will contain large amounts of whining, bitching, and moaning. Please be advised it may not be suitable for the most sympathetic of people.

I think it probably all started with Booger barfing in my hands. That was just over a week ago. Fun stuff. Then I got a cold. I felt it slowly creep in and it's taking it's time slothing out. I hate being sick. I'm a terrible sick person. I've been pretty good this time, until a few hours ago when the terrible-toddler-whine pushed me over the edge and I just wanted to curl into a ball on another planet.

Even Junior is acting fussy - I think he's teething too. fun.

Then this morning hubby got sick and was in bed ALL DAY! I'm not complaining that he was in bed - I felt really really bad for him. But it still sucked that we were all sick. And that even if I had felt good enough to get out and go to the store, the snow was so crazy that I wasn't going to chance it.

On top of bodily complaints, hubby's car busted this week. Thankfully his sis was awesome enough to let us borrow her truck while she dances around Italy. But we've discovered that Saab shops are strange and annoying. They very obviously don't have enough competition to do the standard phone call when they have an estimate. Or let you know that they're working on it, even though you haven't said it was okay. Or acting as if it was annoying when called and asked "So...how much is this going to cost? When is it going to be done?"

There's a mountain of other things, but luckily I pay someone by the hour to deal with that crazy shit!

OH! And one more thing: The adorable heffalump and roo that hubby found on ebay still hasn't gotten here! Christmas might be ruined!!! AAAHHHH!!!

New Obsession

I like to do research about new things. I get hooked into an idea and I'll sit at the computer for hours researching everything about it. I almost never follow through with actually DOING whatever I was researching, but at least I'm smarter when all is said and done, right? Lately I've found myself looking for motivation at the gym. It's already easy enough to use my kids as then excuse not to go, so I need a program.

I used to do the Couch to 5K program and have made good progress the few times I've done it, but due to makin' babies I've had to stop numerous times. I love the program, but am tired of trying. So I went onto iTunes and was looking around. Niki has these new podcasts with music tracks that are specifically for training puposes. Of course, they're 9.99 a pop, but if it gets me in the gym then I'm all for it!

So I begged hubby to buy it (I don't remember the last time I paid $ for a cd) and he grudgingly supported my new obsession. While I looked through the podcasts to see which one I wanted to get I somehow found myself browsing a whole new section of amazingness! That's right - AMAZINGNESS (when webster puts that in the dictionary, you'll know where you saw it)! I found FREE podcasts that normal everyday folk put on itunes that are actually good.

The last time I tried to browse the podcasts they were pathetic, and mostly people broadcasting their political or social agenda via podcast - ick. But this was platinum baby! I found a podcast by Robert Ullrey called Podcasts for Running: Couch to 5K! YEAH! I KNOW! I could have cried.

He plays some basic techno workout type music and tells you when to speed up and slow down. No more watching the clock, or timer or anything. I just do what he tells me to do until I'm done. It was so exhausting to have to run and counting every 90 or 60 seconds - and frustrating. I'm just so excited!

So, if you aren't a runner (or are) and are aspiring to become so THIS is the way to do it. I figure when I make it to the 5K that I'll be the slowest 5K on the planet, but hopefully by then there will be another podcast and it will all be about speed and the half marathon! If not, then I'll do my own! WAHOO!

Booger in Butterflies

AAA013
Originally uploaded by alaskanmama.

I had just gotten her ready for church in the most darling green outfit with little green butterfly barrettes and a beautiful green dress. She's not so easy to get dressed these days.

What happened?

I've fought it long enough. I have to say it! Where did time go? What happened to waiting to get older and not having enough patience to wait? Why is life an actual cliche of "time flies". UGH!

My son is four months old. I can't believe it. I can hardly believe that Booger is two and a half. But the last four months have gone by so incredibly fast that I'm still not sure I have a second child. I know he's here, and it feels like he's always been here, but at the same time - where did this kid come from?

He's getting so big - starting to try to roll over (even though that's like trying to roll over a beached beluga), and he laughs when you play peekaboo. He's the happiest, most content baby I've ever seen. Always smiling, or drooling and just happy to be around. He sleeps really well and he's very alert and talkative, even though his cheeks overtake his face!

I am also finding myself surprised to be excited about a little boy. I was too embarrassed to fully admit that I wasn't super excited about having a boy. Booger was just so much fun to dress up and parade around, and boys never seemed to be that interesting to me. NOW they're the cutest things ever! I can't get enough of the little dump truck t-shirts, fireman sleepers, and dinosaur layettes. I can't wait until he starts getting mobile and DIRTY! (I'll regret that statement later)

I'm also anticipating the fun the two of them will have together as they get older. I have a feeling that booger isn't as girly as we think she is. She's going to tomboy out I imagine. She's so active and loves to try new things. There's not much shy about this girl. And Junior adores her! Even at four months old he gets so excited when she's around. It's so flippin' cute!

okay...I'm done gushing now.

State Farm loves me

Last night, Hubby stepped outside our front door to get something out of my car. He stepped back inside and asked, "Honey, why did you park where you did?"

"Uh, because that's where I always park!" I replied (insert eye roll)

"Really? Are you sure? Would you come and check."

So I sigh loudly, drag myself up off of the floor, stomp slowly over to the front door, and poke my head out of the front door.

Where is my car?

My eyes start where my car should be and slowly go DOWN the driveway and across the street where it has nicely parked itself up on the neighbors snowy lawn. Yes folks, the daughter of a mechanic (who really tried to pass on his mechanical genes and know how) has been stupid enough to let her car roll across the street, in traffic, in the dark. Thankfully there were no cars parked there. There's one there now, and there was one there this morning. I was very lucky.)

The really sad part of all of this is how many arguements Hubby and I have gotten into about this. He never leaves the car in gear and I always do, so everytime the car jerks because he didn't check it, he gets mad at me. Well, used to. This was an old overdone arguement until last night.

So for all of you out there who are unsure what to do about your parking brake, here's what I have learned (and it turns out we both we wrong!!!):

It is recommended that you use 1st gear or Reverse when parking your car, however if it is not extremely cold then you should use your parking/emergency brake. If it IS cold, which is the case here, you could risk freezing your brake and not being able to move your car. The solution is to leave it in gear and apply the brake partially. Just enough to slow or almost stop the car if it leaves gear but also with enough movement left in it that if it froze you could move the mechanism to break it free from it's icy trap.

Yes, my car now has the brake one. Thanks for asking.

Sleepytime

I should SO be asleep right now. Besides the 2 cups of coffee after six PM (lol) I can't quite figure out why sleep is evading me. I keep chasing it and it's bolting from my grasp.

Hubby doesn't "snore" but kind makes this noise like a distant chainsaw. It's not in your face, but it starts to feel like chinese water torture after a few minutes. It's only then that I realize that my throat has a certain dryness to it, and that I should have made my grocery list when I was still awake. And shoot, I meant to load the dishwasher, change out the laundry, return that important phone call, pick up booger's toys, take my vitamins, take a bubble bath, drink a glass of red wine, and why is it so hot in here? And even though we now have a king size bed, I still have moments of feeling like I can't move because I'm stuck between hubby and junior and I don't sleep well when I'm touching other people. (I think that has come since becoming a mother and never having any alone time)

So here I sit, in my undies, doing nothing on my list at 12:15 in the morning. WAHOO! I love being a grownup!

My Linkin Park Epiphany

As I'm leaving Costco (buying mountains of meat) I start groovin' along to a song that I'm pretty sure I know all of the words to, but have never really paid attention. To do this I am imagining I am Jay-Z. Yes, I know it's a stretch, buy stick with me here.

I am rockin' OUT! The music is loud enough that you can't hear me sing over it.

What the hell are you waiting for?

Who me? What am I waiting for? I'm waiting for Jay-Z to rock out some more. Oh and that punk Jewish kid.

(warning - this is about to get incredibly cliche and sappy)

Then I realized what this song is about. I quit singing and starting crying. It was so sad. Me losing my enjoyment of rock meets rap and instead I got to hyperfocus on my own pain.

I gotta quit paying attention. Messes up all of my fun!

Nothing like a little drama...

...to make you lose your appetite. I can't wait to get on the scale on Sunday and see if I lost any. Probably not, but it sure would make this week feel a little bit brighter. and lighter. HA Ha ha...h...not so funny, eh?

It's so sad when you're happy to lose weight after you're sick or you've had your heart broken. I remember the first time I was dumped. I don't know that I ate much for three days. And that says A LOT about me. I can't go 2 hours without shoving food in my mouth. (I was going to say shoving "things" in my mouth but I know you all have dirty little minds. You sickos!)

The guy was a loser too. What was wrong with me? He had this smile that was all gums. blech! And he was so vain and self-absorbed. Of course he thought he was ghandi. I remember sitting on a rock goofing around on a hiking trip once and I sat cross-legged with my fingers in the yoga position that represents holding the sun and the moon in your hands and he called me self-righteous. HA! Mr. creatine-eating-nerd-boy-who-could-never-say-the-name-of-a-movie-right-when-buying-tickets-cause-he-thought-it-was-witty-to-rename-it. ok, so that name was too long. How about doofus?

Permission

I find myself very much in the same state as Pissy, where the stuff in my life is so MUCH that I can't really write about it. So I sit here trying to find something else to entertain and I'm feeling particularly witty or entertaining. And my brain is constantly on other things.

I CAN say that I am slowly sinking into nerdville. I don't know how many of you watch Heroes but I'm completely obsessed. I go to bed thinking about what just happened and trying to tear it apart so that I can make sure I KNOW what's going to happen in the next episode.

My husband is doing a little nerd happy dance right now. He's been trying to get me to read his star trek books since before we got married, and I refuse. I just can't do it. He can't MAKE ME! But see, he's sneaky. He gets me all excited about a show that he knows is cool, but still nerdy. Then when I try to analyze it with him he says, "I don't know. I'll get online and ask the nerds. They'll know honey."

Ha.

Ha.

Great. I'm a nerd.

(between you and me, I already knew I was a nerd. I just didn't want to admit it to anyone else)

So many things....

Everyday I think about something I want to blog about. Something BIG something INTERESTING. and then I find the two seconds I have to sit down and not only can I not remember those big interesting things, but if I do, they're too involved to write about for two seconds.

I'm done with my mini-rant now.

Last night I was searching for pictures on our computer and I was looking through pictures of booger. It's not that I've forgotten about those pictures or what she looked like, but I really didn't connect with the memories of her at that age. "That age" was only one year ago. And she was a totally different being. A baby still. She was still nursing. She wasn't really talking. She was still signing "banana" when she was hungry.

Yesterday we were standing in line at Wal-Mart (I loath that place!) and she said very matter-of-fact as she pointed at the McDonalds, "Mama, I need to go over there and have lunch now." She knew what it was, what she wanted, and knew the best way to ask. It was freaky.

On the other hand, she still requires 10 minutes of rituals before she'll go to sleep. There's the protest cry where she won't say goodnight. Then she hits acceptance and wants kisses and hugs from everyone. Then if she doesn't throw a fit in bed and start the previous processes over she gets fluffed (tucked in), gets her baby dolls, her binky, twinkle star sung to her and a Princess Booger story.

Sometimes that process works, but if you deviate from it at all you will fail.

Gotta go make sausage now, or I might have a tantrum on my hands. And Junior is so sensitive that he cries every time booger cries. sigh....

10 Lb. of Butta

WAHOO! I hit -10.6 Lbs lost today! Translation: All day my pants kept falling down, and I didn't mind one bit!

Black Friday at -20 degrees

Even though I wasn't one of the crazy people that camped outside of Best Buy at 1 AM in the -20 degree, butt-chapping cold I am still incredibly proud of myself for actually going. Pat me on the back please!

I woke up, started the car, took a shower, got dressed, then packed Junior up in his furry gigantic snowsuit. We drove over to Joann's Fabrics and prepared for the battle for $.99 flannel.

Junior isn't quite old enough to sit up in a cart on his own (especially at 5:45 AM) so I brought the Baby Bjorn. However I was very lucky to get him in it and even luckier to be able to get him out. His snowsuit was SO HUGE that I almost couldn't get him buckled in and then it wouldn't unlatch.

When the doors opened 20+ women rushed inside and started unloading bolts into their baskets. I was lucky enough to get to the fabric cutting counter before they had to start calling numbers, but that was all in my plan. Grab what I could and get in the front of the line. Easier said than done. There were 10 women all standing in front of anything that I wanted. I even found myself trading bolts with other ladies at the fabric cutting counter. GASP!

(I'm such a mommy-nerd)

All of this cute flannel though has me playing with my sexy new serger. I may leave my husband for this fantastic appliance. The only other appliance that I have found myself this compatible with is my pink Kitchenaid Mixer. There is nothing else on earth I need. I can make cake and diapers. Really, what else do you need in life?

Wal-Mart and Now Costco?

I never expected Costco to be the soul-sucking excursion that Wal-Mart often is. But today totally taught me differently.

After only 4+ hours of sleep I drug myself out of bed to go get the most fabulous toddler size kitchen (I would post a link - but they are sold out!!! I'll take a picture soon) a little girl could ever want. It was below zero this morning (for those non-alaskans we like to refer to that as "nose hair freezing cold"), and in order for me to guarantee that this fantabulous christmas present would fit I needed to remove both carseats (which have practically been surgically installed) and the double stroller.

Once on the road I call my Mom to brag about how I'm going to get her granddaughter the cutest present ever. I'm so excited I can't stand it. I get to Costco at 8:48 AM and see that the doors aren't actually open. Funny. I call home and hubby tells me that they only open to business members at 9 and normal members at 10. Great.

So I find other entertainment (buying a serger! WAHOO!) just down the street. Get myself a starbucks and come back an hour later. I realize I don't have my membership card and that I haven't seen it for awhile. So I go to the membership counter and get a new one. Then I grab one of those giant flat carts, with my gloves on because my hands might meld with the nitrogen frozen handle, and stroll on in.

I head right for the back of the store, where the kids' christmas gifts are and I don't see it. I'm not entirely sure how big it is, so I'm worried I'm missing it. I stop and ask to other mom's if they've seen where it might be. That's when I meet Franken-mom.

She's so intense that I immediately regret asking her anything. "THEY'RE OUT!!! and they DON'T SHIP TO ALASKA!!!" she practically yells at me.

"Oh? Darn! Ok, thanks", I casually respond, trying desperately to escape.

Then both her and the other woman start telling me where and what I should buy to replace this fabulous kitchen find. One of which is the new Cinderella Kitchen. BARF! That's exactly the toy I want to avoid.

As I slip out of her grip I slowly head back up to the front of the store (call hubby to bitch - he figures out that Costco does ship to AK) then realize I could get a rug instead. Yes, I still plan on getting her the kitchen, but since it's not here and the car is empty I'll just go ahead and use today's moola for the rug we need. I ditch my flat cart and go back to the front of the store (while making this long trip I simultaneously lose and then find my brand new membership card which drives hubby mad) and grab a regular cart.

I find the rug I want but of course, it's the only one left and it's in the back of the box. So I have to go back to the front of the store, find a manager and ask for help. This really nice gentleman comes back and helps me, lifting it like it was no problem (I am such a wuss) and goes on his merry way.

Then I see Crazy Lady again and I stop to let her know that Costco does ship to AK and before I can say anything she grabs my arm and says, "I'VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU! I FOUND THEM! THEY'RE IN THE BACK! WAY BACK! DO YOU WANT ME TO SHOW YOU?"

My arm is dying for circulation and I'm leaning back from the pressure that her demeanor is blasting at my face. I thank her politely, cuss to myself because I've got the rug ready to go and I. want. to. leave. (I've been here for at least 40 minutes already and the only thing I KNOW I'm buying are baby clothes and underwear)

Sure enough, there they are in the back of the store, in the kids section. I just missed them. So I ditch the rug in a random aisle, go all the way back to the front of the store, grab another flat cart, carefully load the giant box onto the cart, grab hubby some underwear (the man only owns 6 pairs!! MADNESS!), get into line, start the checkout process, swipe my American Express gift card, what? It doesn't work? Hubby said they were activated (I have 3 that will cover the entire expense of the kitchen).

So I step out of the line and call American Express. They explain that I can use the cards but there's some special thing the checkout person has to do. Great. I then realize that I've missed my window for getting in line and out the door quickly. The lines are against the turkey jerky now. Fun. After 20 minutes of standing in line the manager gets called because the Russian checkout girl doesn't have any clue what I'm talking about. Manager saves day - and is my morning hero!

Total trips back and forth across the store: 6. Total phone calls to hubby: unknown. How much a good stiff drink is worth to Amber after her morning adventure: Priceless.

Sweaty

Since my children have a cold and it is freakin' cold outside I decided I needed to pull out one of my TaeBo DVDs...yikes! I'm am a stinky sweaty girl right now who only made it 20 minutes into TaeBo Cardio. However short that may sound, it is still longer than the last time I tried it - 12 minutes.

I also have not been counting my ww points all that well lately because I've been cooking meals from scratch. Which you would think would be easier, but it takes a lot of work to figure out the points for something that involved. Tonight we're having tacos though, so I'll figure out the points before dinner.

Time to do some yoga and take advantage of the relaxin hormone still lingering in my system.

Fun Mommy Stuff

I'll save the fun stuff for last. Today Ali is sick. She spent the past two days at her grandparent's house, and I spent that time cleaning. It felt so good. We missed her, but it was so nice to be able to get some stuff done. Even now, while she's just sitting in her high chair I feel less able to keep cleaning. But the poor thing is all stuffed up, coughing, and has a mild fever. Hubby medicated her while I was at Weight Watchers this morning, so she'll probably pass out soon.

I didn't gain or lose last week, but this morning was my first gain. So I'm officially done with the mass post-partum fat melt. I'm now writing down all of my ww points. ugh. I hate tracking.

Especially since I've started cooking. This sounds funny, but The Food Network has changed my life! I'm not a bad cook. I'm an uneducated cook. After sitting on the couch for probably hundreds of hours watching Food Network I've picked up some basics that I didn't have. Things that I hadn't learned that make cooking much less intimidating. Now all I want to do is cook. And not with my weight watchers recipes! LOL!

The fun stuff is that yesterday Junior laughed for the first time. We got in the tub with booger and when they came face to face in the water they both started laughing. It was awesome! Booger's first fit of giggles was caused by the dog and much later. She was about 5 or 6 months old.

Laughing baby, chubby butt, and cold-ass sunshine. Happy day!

Re-do

I'm rewriting a post I recently deleted because I think it's important that I say it, but say it right. But I need to state beforehand that many people have contributed in their own way. People that I know, have known or have never met.

When someone makes the decision to cheat they may or may not know what the consequences will be. They most likely have let go of all self control to fulfill a need that has long been void. I would guess that in most cases that's true. And although not justifiable, it's understandable that they may not be making the greatest of decisions in that state.

What I never thought about was how much it affected the world around you. I see my world so differently. I never thought I would know people that would commit adultery, or flirt with it. And here I sit knowing many people who seem to have lost that moral compass. Most of them have seen what they've done wrong and have repented but some of them have not, and do not see their wrongdoing.

It's amazing how differently I see the world. How little I trust in people's morals. I've spent my life trying to believe the best in people. A little bit of that has been taken away. Like it's been chipped away, one little immoral deed at a time.

My family had a friend while I was growing up that was incredibly "free" with herself. I never thought of her as anything but the way she was. But at some point she was virginal. At some point she had to make the choice to take another path. Maybe if I had been around at that point I would have learned this lesson earlier about being human. But I just saw her for her what she was, not what she could have been.

I used to see people purely in their potential. Why would you want to see any less in anyone? Now I'm being shown that I'm reaching too high. I don't know what to do with that.

I am not trying to sit up on my perch and judge at those below me. It's easy to judge when you're in a happy protected place. It's easy to tell people what they should have done and hold yourself in greater esteem. I really don't want to do that. I know that outside of my warm safe place I could or would be making decisions that other people might not understand including myself. I have made bad decisions. I still make bad decisions. I do not think I am above anyone else.

I am thankful. I am grateful. Everyday I think about how lucky I am, and I work my ass off to keep it. All I want is for everyone to feel this love. Love of life, family, and friends. I am devastated that so many people do not. I have had moments of feeling completely broken by the realization that so many people feel so lost and alone.

All I ask is that people live their life as best as possible, caring for others and trying to be a loving example. I wish there was more I could do, but if that's it, then I'm going to do my best.

Nurturing

What's important in a marriage? What's important for yourself? Nurturing! Hubby and I were talking about how important it was for a couple to not only work within their partnership but to also nurture each other. By giving of ourselves to our partners we receive so much more back.

I also think it's equally important to nurture yourself. Especially if you are a mother. I've found myself running around with my head cut off for the past few days and I'm realizing that I need to STOP and take care of myself. Even if I'm not sure how - which is normally my problem.

My first step in self-nurturing was to go buy clothes for myself. Since having junior I've only bought old navy tshirts and some pants. Just enough to get through the "fat" days. Even though I'm not back to pre-preggo size I'm still feeling like I need some clothes that make me feel like a woman and not a "Mom". (Not attacking moms, I just don't want to dress like one. lol)

Buying clothes is not an easy task for me. When I go tot he store I already am feeling guilty for buying something for myself but if it's not on sale then I generally don't buy it. Which means that most of the time my wardrobe is pretty sucky. Or it's full of Old Navy.

I found pretty clothes I liked the other day and NONE of them were on sale. And I don't care. Well, NOW I don't care, because right before I bought them I called hubby to ask permission. He acted like I was loony. Like I would normally ask permission to do anything else! HA!

Clothes purchased. Hubby nurtured. I myself being nurtured by hubby. I decided today would be a day slightly off. I have done some stuff around the house, but there is so much more to do and instead I'm sitting here, blogging and shopping for cheap glasses. My kids are watching cartoons and cuddled up in their "spots" (booger's on the couch and junior's in his swing).

Speaking of Junior's swing: He's so huge that when he swings one of the legs lifts off of the ground and moves, until he's done a complete circle, or run into the couch. He's almost 19 lbs! and 3 months old!

Ditzy and unfocused

I can't pin down just one though to write about. There are a few things I'd like to write about but that are totally inappropriate. Which totally sucks because this is supposed to be my voice of relief. Oh well, I guess having a glass of wine works to numb the pain.

JOKING! Can't take a joke huh?

In all seriousness, I'm trying to deal with some things that make me nauseous just thinking about them. And the only thing that will make me feel better is to be honest with someone I love, knowing that it will hurt them. Sucks to be me.

Enough self-hate. I got my hair cut. It's gone. I'm so much happier. Hubby has been very sweet telling me how great it looks, and I believe him, but to me it's more about the fact that I don't have to think about my hair anymore. It's so short that it never moves! WAHOO!

I also am very proud to say that I've made my second attempt at chicken stock and I think it was much more successful than my last attempt. I didn't simmer it long enough last time, and this time I let it boil for three hours. It smelled awesome. Hopefully it will make good soup. We'll see.

I'll try and refocus after I do the awful dirty deed. That will help to clear my head. In the meantime - check out the latest family photos!

Post Drama

After weeks of assorted drama it's nice to have a friend make a comment that validates the choice you're most proud of. My husband is a "good man". Makes me all warm and fuzzy inside to think about how lucky I am to have stumbled upon him (repeatedly for years).

I see so many people going through things that I am confident we will not experience because of how close we are. I'm not saying we won't have problems, because to assume that is ignorant, but that we won't experience deceit, adultery, or violence. It shatters my hope and joy for people when I find out just how unhappy their marriage is.

I used to be a kid...I miss that naivity.

Ending on a cute sappy note: I googled myself this morning and this is what I found. You can just do a page find (Ctrl+F) and type in my name to find it.

I HAVE to have one!

My new favorite toy is so amazing. Now I don't have to annoy my friends with all of my Dr. Lauraisms...I just pull the string!

I Love Girls!

Yes, that's right. I love girls. More specifically I love Kate! If I could be married to a man and to a woman I would be married to Kate. Talk about women with power (insert evil laugh).

No, I'm not coming out of the closet, I'm talking about being good enough friends to pee on the phone and talk about things you don't even talk to your doctor about because they make you blush.

I just spent three days with Kate doing just that. Talking about disgusting things, funny things, serious things, and shopping (naturally). And I'm so sad that she had to leave. I find myself so lacking in that kind of conversation on a regular basis, and having kids limits the time I spend visiting other people (especially when they live 400 miles away!).

Today I continued my high by taking a really great yoga class and laying in the sauna at the gym. Now I'm counter-acting the high by eating McDonalds and halloween candy. Yum.

Hope everyone has a great and girlie halloween!

Shoulda Woulda Coulda

I escaped to the grocery store last night after hubby got home from work. As I pulled up to the stop light my car started the familiar rhythmic shaking that occurs when some inconsiderate ass decides to crank his sweet tunes. Only this time I can honestly say I've never been shaken this much.

I don't want this gentleman to see that I notice his display, so I continue to sing along with my Natalie Imbruglia song

I'm all out of faith
this is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed
lying naked on the floor

I am rockin' out! YEAH!

But of course, as we turn together I just HAVE to catch a glimpse of this model male specimen. I see a white, heavy-set, non descript guy literally hanging out of his Chevy extended cab truck window like it's 80 degrees outside and he's cruisin' the strip. Nevermind that it's a Thursday night and no one's on the strip because it's 30 degrees out and the first snow of the year!

I immediately go into a fit of giggles and continue on to the store. However all of the way to the store I have ample opportunity to fulfill my little fantasy of confronting this Hercules of the Arctic. So here's what I WISH I had done:

I pulled up alongside him at the next light and proceeded to give him the "look". The "I think you're so hot" look. What he sees is a girl with no makeup, hair in need of a cut in a messy ponytail, and two car seats all in a very stylish Honda CRV. (oh yeah, and a wedding ring) Intrigued, he turns down his speakers to have a chat. So I say, "I've been looking for a man just like you! Someone whose calvin-pissing sticker, loud truck and complete disregard for people screams: I HAVE A SMALL PENIS! NOTICE ME!"

sigh...but I'm a chicken. So I just made myself feel cooler by turning on Tool instead of Imbruglia. I may be a Mommy but I'm a bad ass Mommy!

Quilting Queen I'm Not

I got antsy this week to quilt. My drive to sew diapers has gone on hiatus since Junior outgrew his two sizes so fast. I spent hours upon hours making him all these great, adorable, useful dipes only to have him wear each size for one week. That's it. One week. That's almost 30 diapers and covers. (don't worry, they've moved onto a new home!)

So I found a pretty quilt pattern with all of the info that I hate figuring out. It told me exactly what to buy at the store, how to cut it and how to put it together. Except I can't seem to read directions.



Looks pretty simple. Maybe even easy enough for a Queen to do it, right?
It says to make it in rows then attach the rows together. So I made this row:


And apparently the instructions point out that you're supposed to make Vertical rows. So I rip out the first block and make my vertical row. Then realize that I've turned 3 of the blocks 90 degrees in the wrong direction. So I rip those out. THEN, I sew the second vertical row and begin attaching it to my first row. Only to find out halfway down that I've added the wrong pieces. And it's like 2 feet longer than the first row and it's not matching up!

I ROCK!

I QUIT!

Beyond the Chart

That's right folks. I have given birth to a mammoth baby. Today our doctor weighed him and he has literally grown beyond the 100th percentile for babies. Granted this charting system is incredibly outdated and based on formula fed babies, but it's still the same chart that everyone uses and I don't remember Booger ever exploding in size the way Junior has.

I've also officially upgraded away from the portable carseat with base because I'm not the hulk - I can't haul around 16+ Lbs around and keep a grip on a 2 year old (very determined) girl. And apparently I'm not a complete dumbass when it comes to installing carseats. I went back to the store where I purchased the seat and had them check it out. Not was it supposed to be in the middle of the car, but they were pleasantly surprised at how tight I had it strapped down. They must not know what they're talking about becuase it was NOT tight enough! I've got to relax huh?

Babies Are Funny

So many funny things about baby. If they weren't adorable, cuddly and funny we'd never have them. Especially when they morph into a toddler. It's like having a mosquito in your ear. At least mine is.

My favorite funny baby accessory is the Pee Pee Tee Pee. How great is this? So far every person (I think) that's changed him has gotten sprayed. My favorite was when my doctor got sprayed in the face. I've been very fortunate though to not have him explode poop all over me.

Booger's best changing table move was the "firehose" from her bum. As you lifted her legs to wipe her bottom she would spray poo three feet away from her body. The table, nearest wall, and your arm would be covered in it. Instinctively you try to plug the hole, only to find that he pressure is too great and you've covered everything above her bottom including both of your faces. Fun times.

Booger is also showing her authority in the house by trying to copy mine of course. You all read about my lack of patience (maturity) recently, and my daughter was apparently listening. Yesterday I was scolding her for something small and insignificant (which is why she wasn't in trouble for her response) when she decided she was going to declare how she really felt. She stood in the doorway of my bedroom, put her hands at her sides and said, "Mommy! Mommy, I. don't. care."

I said, "What?"

"Mommy, I don't care!", this time with less authority and a little more lighthearted sass.

She immediately realized she'd stumbled onto something that I found entertaining and proceeded to turn it into a defiant song. So I called Hubby at work to have him listen. It was hilarious.

The sad part is that she learned it from her own mother. When she starts telling me things over and over and over and over and over I eventually respond with a very snobby and immature, "I don't care". It never works.

Duh!

Retarded Queen of the Car Seats

I am the Queen of car seat installation. I've installed my daughter's seat a million times in multiple cars. I've got her in the most expensive, safest seat on the market and it's always been very easy to install.

So I went and bought my son the newest of the best - even a step above what my daughter has, and I've never said more cuss words installing a seat than I said today. I'm sure if he could sit forward facing like his sister I wouldn't have a problem, but my car is not cooperating. The angle of the belts, the friction preventing the tightening of the belts and the tiny back seat are sucking the life out of me.

It has all these fancy wonderful locks on it that keep the seat belt in place. Which is wonderful if you can get the seat belt tight enough to clip it in the first place. (insert explicative here) Then the car automatic seat belt locks click in and I have to undo the belt and start over because it's tightened to much for me to work with it. (insert another explicative) Rethread through the seat, try again. Nope. (ramping up the language now) Get towel, roll up, place at base of seat. Try again. (children and adults really shouldn't be present for this audio show) Get in car, sit on seat, attempt to tighten belt from latch. (No polite person says what I just said)

Finally move the seat to the middle of the car, but have to remove other seat to make room. Install not to your highest of standards, then reinstall other seat up against first seat so that they are bracing each other. (nails on a chalkboard sound better than my mouth right now, and sailors would be scared)

Now Booger has complete access to her 2 month old toy in the seat directly abutting hers. YAY!

Tipping the Scales

And I'm not talking about my fat ass! Hubby and I balance each other out so well it's freaky. The other day everything drove him crazy, especially the kids. And I was little miss cool. Today I've found myself spanking booger. Only one little pat on the bottom (cloth diapered mind you) and for nothing major. I just wanted her to STOP!

Stop talking. Stop pushing. Stop climbing. Stop stop stop.

Some people (including hubby) would not approve of me talking about this online because they think it might give cause to someone to turn me in for child abuse. I'm going against their better judgement because I think it's more important to show that it's normal.

My daughter never stops talking. Unless she's asleep. And even then, she talks in her sleep. So in order to stay sane I start ignoring her. I hate ignoring her. I try so hard to stay engaged with my children. But after she's repeated herself 10 times and I can't seem to be creative enough to get her to talk about something else I get really really irritated and find myself being snotty hoping that she'll pick up on my subtle "can't you tell I don't care" voice.

It doesn't work. But you probably knew that and are laughing at me trying to be sarcastic with a toddler. It just makes me want to cry.

Why would I want to treat her with such disrespect - even if she doesn't get it? AAAHGGGHHHH! She's just doing what she does.

I think it's time to refocus. When she gets in the way of me being productive I get bitchy. So no more productivity today unless she's totally distracted. yay for me.

sigh...time to have a good cry and start today over (even though it's afternoon).

New Toys

Yesterday was magical. Beautiful. 50% of what I could have imagined!

Just envision a cold windy city and a lone mother rushing to fulfill her own needs for new running shoes. She cooks dinner quickly, sprints out the door to get to the shoe store before they close. When she walks in she is sad to see so many people shopping so close to closing because she is a retard when it comes to running. Then she sees the 8 foot piles of shoes that those people are surrounding. Then her eye catches a sign and it says "50% Off (unless marked otherwise)".

When it occurs to her that she doesn't see any "otherwise" markings and that there are many many signs dotting the store walls and shelves and piles and piles of shoes she starts to shake with excitement and appropriately begins to tear through boxes of size 9.5 shoes. Not even caring if they are something she might think about buying at full price.

This lone mother scored. I was restrained however and stopped at only 2 pairs of running shoes, however I'm aching to go back and find some sandals. Sigh...if only it were summer.

Happy Holidays

For those who aren't Alaskan or live under a glacier, yesterday was the first direct deposit for the Alaska Permanent Fund Dividend. That's right folks, we get paid to live here! It's fabulous, fantastic, and is probably one of the greatest reasons to never move.

I consider yesterday a holiday. Just like Christmas, we wait in anticipation of the glorious gifts we receive and give. Like groceries, bills, and new winter coats. (can you tell where mine went?) So Merry PFD Day!

What I didn't get and wished I had was a sense of renewal. A recharging of spirit and freedom to shop. After being broke for so long I expected to feel relief and instead I was all freaked out to be spending money that looked so pretty in the bank account. Don't get me wrong, paying bills felt great! No more nasty notices, but spending almost $300 at Costco and over $300 at REI was not as enjoyable as I had hoped.

I'm a total whiner. I'm realizing as I write this that I am a spoiled whiny brat. You were probably all thinking that already. Great. I'm complaining that the State of Alaska just gave me 1106.96 times 3 to use as WE please. I'm pathetic.

At least that put me in a less grumpy state. Because besides that I have a really fun thing to deal with: BV. It's a TMI, so I won't expand. Just know that life is lacking in the fun department with you put sleep deprivation on top of that and you've eaten your favorite food and it's caused your child to fart for two days and projectile vomit.

I'm a big ball of sunshine this morning. Bask in my rays.

My Little Star

My boy has a famous rump!

Ramblings...

Not much of incredible interest has occurred lately, but I must keep my adoring fans updated now and again. I know how you all worship me.

Hubby returned to work full time yesterday. He still has a ton of leave left though so he's planning on taking some more time off over the next six months, which will be nice for so many reasons.

Reason #1 - I will have an in house Booger-sitter.
Reason #2 - I can go shopping by myself.
Reason #3 - I can go ANYWHERE by myself.
Reason #4 - I kind of like the guy.
Reason #5 - Midweek trips to Anchor Point will become a more frequent occurence.

Since O&O and his troop survived the trek to Anchorage there has been much planning and talk of future visits. Both to Anchor Point and to Anchorage. They're scheming - about what I can't share yet...but sometime in the future I hope to be selling their brilliant and talented scheme! (insert evil laugh here) It's also really nice to know a normal family that we click with and who has kids that Booger can get crazy with. Cause she definetely is crazy!

Right now Junior and Booger are asleep which means I'm not doing what they all tell me to do. Nap when they nap. Oops. I'm just so excited to pay bills and get some much needed family necessities with the Alaska Permanent Fund Dividend. I may even do a little Christmas shopping...heh heh. Or me shopping (sshhhhh). Really just paying bills will make me so so happy.

We have a star in the family! I made Junior a diaper out of a tshirt of a local radio talk show host. So I put Junior in the diaper (before he outgrew it - which would have been 5 minutes later) and took a picture. Hubby emailed the picture to the host directly, who not only talked about it on his radio show, but said he's going to post the picture on his website. When it finally gets posted I will put a link up.

AND when I say that Junior is big, I really really mean it! He's more than doubled his weight in the first 6 weeks of life. He's a tank. It's incredible. I keep having people ask me if he's about 4 months old. LOL! He can't even hold his head up yet (just cause it's so darn FAT!).

Clowns in a Car

My Hubby's "One and Only" (no I'm not referring to myself - I am THE One and Only, there's a difference) has made the long adventurous trek to The Last Frontier. And man was he crazy! He made the trip from Georgia to Alaska in an Old-ASS suburban that he bought on Ebay, packed his brave wife and four children in it and drove it up here. When we saw what he drove we were amazed that we hadn't needed to rescue him somewhere in the Yukon. It's a miracle!

And speaking of crazy, did I mention that we invited them all to stay here? Yep, that's right folks, we fit four adults, two infants, and four children from ages 5 down to stay in our 800 square foot home. That's 10 humans in a tiny space. Thankfully we have a rockin' tiny space and they're super cool, so we all had a great time (although I can only speak for myself and hubby).

We're going to bombard them next weekend and check out all the craziness and happenings in Anchor Point. Partay!

I need to also say that my kid is FAT! FAT FAT FAT! One&Only's youngest is a darling 3 month old girl who Junior could eat for lunch. She's so dainty and sweet and he's such a chunk. He's half her age and already as big as her although more in width than length. It's hysterical.

I'm sorry I'm slow on the posts! Life has been pretty blah except for clown car living for the last couple of days. Hubby goes back to work full time on Monday, so my relaxation is over (sniff sniff), but thankfully Hockey season starts up soon and we'll have something to do on those cold boring nights. Then I can get on here and blog about hot, stinky hockey players! WAHOO! Here we go ACES!

Blegh

I've spent the past few days with the strangest ailment. And I've had all sorts of different diagnosis opinions given. From the flu to detoxification. I would get nauseous, then chills (no fever though), then a ripping huge headache. But once I took ibuprofen it would all go away after an hour or so. Then the sweating would start.

I woke up feeling fine this morning so I'm hoping it's all over. There's a possibility it could have been Mastitis even though I don't have any redness. My left boob is MAD! I'm not sure what I did to make it so mad, but I'm trying to heat pack it out. I'm hoping to stops hurting at some point.

I think I'm done whining now. I just had to update because I've been mia for a few days.

Another update: Booger's hair has grown on me and I'm no longer a sobbing freak about it. It's actually cute! Imagine that!

First Maternal Regret

Most mothers say that they will never cut their daughter's hair. I'm one of them. Even when I'm pressured from people that she looks wild I still didn't want to risk it looking stupid. But when Hubby makes mention that she's starting to look a little street urchin-like, and you've recently seen your friend's kid with a cute cut you tend to get confused and make irrational decisions.

This wasn't Booger's first time under the scissors, but it was the first time she got an actual haircut and not just a trim. I put a little bit of thought into it before we left, but if overthought I would chicken out. So I said the word "bangs" and spent the rest of the afternoon crying about how stupid I was.

WHAT WAS I THINKING?

Let me just say that I think my daughter is beautiful no matter what and that it doesn't matter what her hair looks like. But the change was traumatizing. I didn't even understand why I never wanted to cut her hair. Now I understand - it's to avoid the sobbing. Not hers, mine!

She looks adorable (as you can see on my flickr link) but still...bangs and 2 year olds are not cohesive. And I tried very hard to communicate when I said "bangs" that I meant wispy, not solid block across the forehead. But as the cut went on it turned into that, and I don't know if it was avoidable. sigh...thank goodness hair grows huh?

My Son

My son!


OOPS! I apologize. This is my son:

Not much difference I suppose! :)

Long Day Post Night Terrors

I think yesterday was the longest day I've ever had. Booger's night terrors continued into her waking hours. I've never seen anyone cry that way before. It wasn't crying, or screaming, or wailing...it was raging. Raging about anything and everything. Fun stuff!

But! After 14 hours of sleep I seem to have regained my daughter - still a two year old, but my daughter nonetheless. Junior also had a four hour sleeping spree - YIPPEE for me! I actually had a four hour stretch.

I have evidence of his voracious appetite now that we've weighed him. He was 7 lbs at birth, but went down to 6 lbs 9 oz within the week. So from 6.9 he's gained 4 lbs 5 oz. in 3 weeks! THREE WEEKS! I suppose his third chin should have been evidence, but DAMN!

And, due to the diaper rash that won't leave and his colic I'm now wheat free. The Dr. (which you all know I adore) said that Soy probably isn't a culprit because I really don't have that much in my diet. Since I've already cut out dairy and eggs, there really isn't much else left. So on top of the dairy and eggs I'm now wheat free. Honestly, if my ass doesn't melt off with this diet then I don't know how else to lose weight! LOL!

BTW - apparently butter doesn't cause allergy issues because it's the fat of the milk, not the protein and caseine. WAHOO! Buttered sprouted grain toast - here I come!

Too Damn Early

We've hardly gotten any sleep since 1 AM due to the swinging pendelum of crying children. One starts *swing* the other one starts. Fun stuff. Booger woke up wailing and wouldn't stop. Hubby (after many attempts on both our parts) finally got her to say that she was scared of the airplanes. We can pat ourselves on the back for that one - the Airshow was apparently a bad move.

So we brought her to bed and then Junior started fussing. If he wasn't gassy then he was rattling in his nose and the back of his throat. And of course the nose syringe wouldn't move any of it.

So Hubby is sleeping for a mere 30 minutes as we speak and I'm about to find some food so that I can feel halfway human.

Oh, and on top of Booger being sick I'm coming down with it too. YAY!

Daddy/Hubby is ALWAYS Right!

I have been told that I'd "better blog about this one", so here I am.

Hubby has been coming home early this week to help me out at home, which is awesome. I normally have lunch ready when he comes home but last night was a long night of screaming Junior and a long morning of screaming Booger making me much less interested in actual cooking. So I decided we would take a little adventurous trip to the McDonalds Playland. Hubby was not so thrilled with that idea.

Why, you ask? Because they are disgusting festering pools of germs and trailer trash that our child doesn't need to come in contact with. At least that's what he thinks. However, me being the voice of reason and intelligence in the home I won the arguement and said there was nothing to worry about. That I see mom's with kids just like me in there all of the time. So we went.

We were pretty much done eating our lunch when a group of kids we were in there with yelled down to their Mom that there was Poop in the playland. Yes, POOP! Someone (child or otherwise) actually took their own feces and placed it (or smeared it, we'll never know) in the Burger King Playland.

Needless to say, Hubby is feeling quite vindicated this afternoon and I have been knocked off of my "Voice of Reason" throne. Thank goodness Booger was crabby and didn't want to climb up inside to play!

Baby Blues

I don't really remember feeling the so called "baby blues" with booger. Mainly, I think because I was already stressed with her crying all of the time and trying to make her feel better. We were already so keyed up about having a baby that maybe the excitement just pushed me through the hormonal humps. I'm not denying I didn't cry and have ups and downs I just don't remember feeling this way.

It's so much harder than I thought it would be to try and divide myself between two kids. I was so sad for Booger at first and then I started getting annoyed that she needed my attention. I so wanted Junior to have the same amount of undivided attention and bonding that she had, but she kept getting in the way. Which of course, made me feel even worse because only one week earlier she was the most perfect creature on earth. Even the terrible two's weren't making her look any less attractive.

And Junior has annoyed me because just when I get a chance to redeem myself in Booger's eyes he gets hungry. Why does this kid have to eat all of the time? And why is he starting to get so attached to me that I can't lay him down to sleep? He slept great on his own last week. GGGRRRRR!

Add sleep deprivation and hormones on top of that and you've got one blue mama.

OH! and to top it off (and no I'm not blaming anyone but myself for this) he has allergies. I figured Dairy and Eggs. Not an easy thing to cut off, but I did it with booger, so I can do with for Junior. But NOOOO this kid has the worst gas ever. At 2 AM it's so bad that he won't nurse, so I end up getting even less sleep. So I'm going to try and see this week what it might be by cutting out the following foods: Dairy, Eggs, Chocolate, Caffeine, Soy and Wheat. Yes folks...I will be eating cardboard. Cardboard covered in SUGAR!

I self medicated my lack of ice cream and cookies tonight by buying a bag of gummi worms and root beer. I'm thoroughly sugared. Thank god. I thought I might die otherwise.

The Triple Chin

I'm proud to announce the appearance of the elusive third chin! Yippee! This will be the only time in Junior's life that he can be proud of his third chin. Before it appeared he resembled Mr. Magoo. Even down to the wrinkles.

Life is definetely different with two children. I've been battling with guilt over who I'm supposed to pay attention to more. I get sad for Junior when I think back to how much one on one time Booger had at this age but then I get sad for Booger when I'm spending too much time taking care of Junior. So it's been a very interesting journey for me this week, trying to balance out who gets me when.

Booger is definetely feeling the changes too. She had a major meltdown on Monday. I've never seen her cry so hard. She finally fell asleep crying but then woke up a half hour later in the same state of yelling panic. I felt so bad for her.

Hubby gets to come home early today (hopefully) which is going to be nice. He gets really great paternity leave but this is the busiest and most stressful few weeks of work for him right now so he hasn't been able to get away and help me. It will be so nice to have him home. I need a nap!

I'm also excited because I think my girlie parts are starting to feel better and that I'll be able to exercise more now. We went for a walk last night and besides being out of shape I didn't hurt when we got home! It Rocked! So hopefully between Weight Watchers, breastfeeding and some exercise I can get this ginormous butt gone and start wearing my pre preggo pants again. And if I'm lucky maybe my boobies will shrink too! (they're obscene right now...or proportional if you're looking at my ass too)

Happy Birthday!

It's been one week and he's still alive! WAHOO! We're totally awesome at this parenting thing. They are still breathing...that's the ultimate goal right?

It's been an adventurous week. He's an AWESOME baby as far as neediness is concerned. He eats, sleeps and craps. He's only had two bouts of crying and I'm pretty sure it's due to the pepperoni pizza I had the other night. Either due to the dairy and spice or because it was pizza hut and not Moose's Tooth.

The first crying fit was in the middle of the day on Thursday. Hubby had gone to work to the 2nd worst day at his job ever and I was having a "baby blues" day. I woke up feeling needy and weepy. Turns out that I was more than weepy. Baby was crying and I was crying and booger was saying, "mama, are you sad?" which just made me wail louder. It was pathetic. But we weathered the storm and his tummy settled down enough for us all to get some (not a lot, but some) sleep.

Sleep. What is that? I had forgotten about the 2 hour catnaps between feedings. I find myself totally wacky at 2 AM and unable to determine how long baby has eaten for. Which means he could wake me up much sooner than two hours later, but I don't care at that moment. I just want to dive into dreamland.

And of course all of the advice is that I should be napping when the baby sleeps, but that advice doesn't say what to do with your two year old while you're napping. Do you chain them up? Do you just let them out the front door to play. Booger is mature enough to take care of herself right? Maybe I could start sending her down to the corner market when she wants a banana instead of getting up and walking over to the kitchen counter. Not a bad idea.

So, to sum up - baby is doing great, eating great, sleeping great and completely adorable. We are slowly adjusting to life with another person in the house and I'm anxious to get moving again. I'm still recovering, but I'm trying to get out and move around as much as possible. Hopefully I'll be able to wear my "fat" pants soon. ALTHOUGH, I went below the 200 lb mark today! YAY! Moving on down!

Happy Birthday!

It's been one week and he's still alive! WAHOO! We're totally awesome at this parenting thing. They are still breathing...that's the ultimate goal right?

It's been an adventurous week. He's an AWESOME baby as far as neediness is concerned. He eats, sleeps and craps. He's only had two bouts of crying and I'm pretty sure it's due to the pepperoni pizza I had the other night. That or it was because it was pizza hut and not Moose's Tooth.

The first crying fit was in the middle of the day on Thursday. Hubby had gone to work to the 2nd worst day at his job ever and I was having a "baby blues" day. I woke up feeling needy and weepy. Turns out that I was more than weepy. Baby was crying and I was crying and booger was saying, "mama, are you sad?" which just made me wail louder. It was pathetic. But we weathered the storm and his tummy settled down enough for us all to get some (not a lot but some) sleep.

Sleep. What is that? I had forgotten about the 2 hour catnaps between feedings. I find myself totally passed out and unable to determine how long baby has eaten for. Which means he could wake me up much sooner than two hours later, but I don't care at that moment. I just want to dive into dreamland.

And of course all of the advice is that I should be napping when the baby sleeps, but that advice doesn't say what to do with your two year old while you're napping. Do you chain them up? Do you just let them out the front door to play. Booger is mature enough to take care of herself right? Maybe I could start sending her down to the corner market when she wants a banana instead of getting up and walking over to the kitchen counter. Not a bad idea.

So, to sum up - baby is doing great, eating great, sleeping great and completely adorable. We are slowly adjusting to life with another person in the house and I'm anxious to get moving again. I'm still recovering, but I'm trying to get out and move around as much as possible. Hopefully I'll be able to wear my "fat" pants soon. ALTHOUGH, I went below the 200 lb mark today! YAY! Moving on down!

I'm in LOVE...

...with my neck pillow. When I bought it six months ago I never thought it would get used. I guarantee that it will be worn out very very soon. Spending time on the couch is requiring it. I've been trying to sleep in my own bed, but he's not latching very well when we lay down, so I have to sit up and if he's at all awake then I'm lucky I don't fall over in bed! So I migrate to the couch.

And I would just like to add a few things about childbirth for those who may not know. First, a bigger baby does not mean a more difficult labor. And second, having a second baby is much easier to recover from. I actually went to the store yesterday! I'm up and around and walking like I haven't done anything like push a baby out of me in the last four days. It rocks!

Deja Vu

I had forgotten about those first few days of Booger's existence when I didn't sleep and I especially didn't sleep in my own bed. I tried to last night. It didn't work though. He's a night owl. Just when I am ready to sleep he wants to look around and only in your arms.

Hubby has a super crazy work week so I'll be going solo a lot of the time and it's going to be interesting. He brought booger out to me on the couch (cause that's where I live now) and I put on whatever terrible kids TV was on at the time. Fed the baby, then as soon as I figured out he was asleep I jumped up and got food/diaper changed/pee/pants on/vitamins/cuddle with booger time just in case he doesn't let me do it for the rest of the day.

I'm now going to go get the baby wrap and figure out how I'm supposed to fit a 6 Lb object in it, since it's like 7 feet long! LOL! I was not supposed to have a little baby (which for future reference is NOT easier than a bigger one!).

Day One

So it's been almost 36 hours since he was born and we've survived! I know...it's a miracle! Especially since we don't even know how to tie our own shoes, let alone keep a human being alive. Joking joking of course. I can tie one, and joe ties the other one.

We actually were able to get some sleep last night - in shifts of course, but sleep nonetheless. And I've pretty much spent the day with him attached to my boob. It's been pretty great. Our family inundated us with food and great breaks by entertaining ali.

Oh - and we also got a great gift of an upgrade to a flickr pro account, so I've uploaded all of the rest of the photos to my account and will continue to upload them as often as possible. Thanks Val and Zane!

Booger has been absolutely mezmerized by her little brother. If you look at the pics on the account you can see just how incredibly happy she is. What we're not showing you is the absolute pani when we reach to take him back because he's hungry and crying. She clings onto him and cries like we've just told her that there is no Disneyworld, Santa Clause, Tooth Fairy, etc etc...all at once. It's hearbreaking and pathetically cute.

My Mom is coming into town tomorrow to help out and Tuesday will be doctor day for Tucker. What's very exciting about that is that our family Naturopath will be available (and I didn't think she would be) so I won't have to take him to the big stinky pediatrician's office at the hospital, to a doctor that I will never see again. YAY! We totally lucked out!

Hubby and I also want to say thanks to everyone who has been so sweet to post comments or send emails of congratulations. I've been trying to keep up and reply, but you can imagine I only get a few minutes at a time at the computer. Thank goodness I can type 75 wpm! LOL!

Welcome Home Tucker Owen

So after I relaxed on Friday (the 18th) night I went to sleep. and I am SO glad we all did, because just like the midwife predicted I was up again at 4 AM and in labor. It only took 3 contractions for me to realize that they were not only four minutes apart, but they were different and very much reminded me of when I was in labor with Booger. So I woke up hubby and mom and called my best friend and the midwife to come over.

I spent the next four and a half hours just dealing with the contractions. It's funny because I had this idea in my head that this birth would be faster and easier than Alison's and it really wasn't. The contractions were more intense, and did less than when I had Alison.

At 8:15 I started feeling the urge to push and I was completely dilated. I pushed for 45 minutes, with my hubby getting his hands crushed, his shirt stretched, and I'm sure numerous permanent indentations in his flesh of my fingers grabbing and pulling at anything it they could find.

His head came out at 8:58 and the rest of him came out at 8:59. Beautiful and perfect of course. He was 7 Lbs on the dot and 20 3/4 inches long. Just like his big sister he latched on perfectly within the first few minutes of birth and nursed like a champ! He was incredibly alert, opening his eyes calmly and looking around right after he was born and for a long time after.

My Inlaws had taken Booger for the night, so after we got settled and the midwife left they brought her back home and we introduced her to her new little brother. We've been getting her ready for a long time and of course her Papa and Nonna got her all excited on their way over, so it was by far the most precious thing I've ever seen. She wanted to hold him so bad and she was so gentle.

So we got her settled and handed him to her. She was SO HAPPY! She just stared at him and kept smiling at us. Then he made a face and you would have thought she'd just gotten taken to Disneyworld. She started giggling and telling us all about what she'd just seen like she discovered the most entertaining toy in the entire world.
When we took him away you would have thought we'd taken her whole heart out. She cried and cried.

She's staying another night at her grandparent's so Joe and I can try and get some rest before we have to juggle both of them. I'm still really sore, tired and crampy and can't move around a bunch. We have more food than we'll ever be able to eat so if you want to come eat some - come on over!

Joe posted some pictures on the flickr account, but due to his lack of ever having used it before he uploaded them too big and I can't put anymore on right now. BUT - he started his own flickr account so you can see more baby pics there after today!

Labor Log

4:15 AM August 18th (Happy Birthday to Layne BTW - wouldn't that be weird)

Yes, I'm officially declaring this "labor". I am in that phase where it takes physical strength to stand it. No fun. I've been having contractions all afternoon and night, but it wasn't until just after 2 that I started noticing that they were getting closer together. I went to bed at 12 hoping to get some sleep and somewhere in there I did, but it didn't last. After 1 1/2 hours of being incredibly uncomfortable in bed I decided to get up.

So here I sit on my exercise (excuse me - birthing ball) ball bouncing to the new Justin Timberlake video "Sexy Back". I've been reduced to dancing to Timberlake and Timbaland at 4 AM. (oh, and a little Beyonce and Jessica Simpson *Sob*)

la la la back to bouncing...

6:30ish AM - slowing down now

So things aren't going as hot and heavy. Mom just got here and I've called the midwife and we're just going to sit back and see what happens. The mw said I should go lay down and try and rest since I've only gotten about two hours of sleep. So I think I'll go do that.

4 PM - ramping up again

After a very lazy frustrating day I decided to get proactive. Mom and I took a walk around the block in the rain, which did no good. Then I mopped the floor, hoping the exertion would help - nope. Then I sat on the couch and she found some really uncomfortable pressure points on my feet and I did some on my hands and we started getting some action! So for the next 3 hours I had very consistent contractions, every 10 minutes or so. then they...just......stopped. GGGRRRRR!!!

11:05 PM - Letting go

I'm closing up for the night and going to try and get some rest. I just had one little contraction and that was the only one in about an hour, so I'm just going to let go and hope that I get woken up at 3 in the morning by pain. yes folks, I'm becoming a masochist. I am excited by the pain. I love the pain. I AM the pain! (not a good sign of letting go huh?)


Side Note - My bestest most wonderful friend bought me the CUTEST most fabulous diaper bag that I've drooled over for over a year! It's a Petunia Pickle Bottom! I'm so excited!

Possible Labor

So it's 9:22 and we just got back from having our date night at Bears Tooth. I had contractions every 5-7 minutes the entire time we were there. Things have slowed now that we're home, but not a ton. So now we're just sitting here trying to figure out what to do. Walk? Talk? Sit? Run? Call someone? gggrrrr....

I will continue this post as we progress (or try to).

8:07 AM the next morning...

So it's all over, and there's no baby yet. Sigh...I went to bed after posting last night thinking that rest would be a smart thing if I was really kicking into labor. I had a few really really strong contractions, but they slowly spaced themselves out from about 5 minutes apart to a half hour. I finally fell asleep and woke up without any. So frustrating.

2:40 PM

So I went to the midwife this morning and I'm 2 cm dialated and while I was there lost my mucous plug (lovely bit of info huh?), so she figures no longer than this weekend. I'm still having contractions, but not consistently. I generally just feel crappy. So we'll see what happens. I'm going to take a nap right now just in case I end up having to stay up all night (knock on wood).

No Gushing Yet...sigh

So it seems that whatever I was feeling last night has gone away. I don't remember being this frustrated before. I can't believe my body would tease me like that. gggrrrr...

So now I'm sitting here trying not to think about the two bottles of castor oil in my cupboard. Even though I know all it would is make me feel like crap. Or like crapping. ick. So I'm going to find something to occupy my time today. I have no idea what that might be, but I'm going to find it. and it's going to involve LOTS of walking.

Contracting

Not the type of contract that you sign, but the kind of makes you take a sharp breath in. Now I can't sleep. It's almost 1 AM (by the time I'm done with this it will be past 1) and I'm half watching bad Emo crap on MTV (sorry Hannibehr!).

I couldn't sleep. How can you when you feel the first inklings that this alien might actually come out of your body? I am so amped. Every time I have a contraction I think, "Maybe this is the beginning!!!", then I'm disappointed when 10 minutes later I haven't had another one. Granted I probably could have walked and made them worse, but it's late and Booger needed to go to sleep and there's probably no way that hubby would have let me escape to walk by myself.

So here I sit...waiting. ugh. I wish my water would just break. That was so much easier with booger. I didn't know what was happening until I gushed. I just wish I could commence with the water balloon popping.

sigh...I suppose I should try to sleep at some point. Cross your fingers that I wet the bed!

Bowling for Baby

Maybe it was the laughing. I haven't really done much of that lately, so when we watched the silly movie "RV" and I laughed super hard through a lot of it I think I might have relaxed things a little bit. When I got up I almost couldn't walk. I swear there was a bowling ball pushing down on my pelvis.

It hurt so bad, and yet it gave me an excruciating case of the giggles. I couldn't look at hubby without busting up just with nervous excitement that we might actually have this baby one day. I know! I can't believe it either. I just thought I would stay fat forever.

It's just so hard to imagine going into labor and then having another human being to take care of. You can't imagine the change because it's so huge, so just catching a glimpse makes me freaky anxious and giggly.

It didn't help that I had gas too...that always makes me laugh.

Post Headache

I tried really hard yesterday to write...and my exploding head stopped me. I never get headaches, so it's quite disturbing when I do get one. It made me very very pissy. What a great lady to have around - pregnant and pissy. A double-P! AAAHHHH!

I'm officially 37 weeks pregnant this week so I could legally go into labor and birth at home now, which of course makes me anxious and frustrated. I so want to get this baby out of me, but at the same time I have family maternity pics and a baby shower next week. Not that my wishes really make any difference as to when the baby is ready to come out.

On happier news I am almost, and I mean SUPER close to having every single diaper and cover ready for baby when he gets here. I only have to finish putting the velcro on the last cover and I should have enough! I'm very excited. It's been hours of sewing and lots of recycled t-shirts!

I also have all of the materials I'll need for the birth. I was supposed to have receiving blankets that were old and absorbent for when the baby is born, but we didn't have any of ali's old ones and I hadn't bought any used ones for the baby, so I started hunting. I went to the Salvation Army but they had nothing! And what they did have was on an icky table in a big pile. It was just awful. Yesterday I went to Value Village and I found the Meca for linens! Not only did they have EVERYTHING that I needed but it was organized, hanging up and 50% off!

So I brought home my new treasure trove of absorbent goodies and stuck them in the washing machine on hot (I wanted to strip whatever ickies might have been in them). I was folding them later and realized that one blanket had a blue side and a pink side. Hhhmm...I don't remember this being pink. Then I look down - all of the blankets that were white (which was most of them) had been stained pink from either the red towel or the red sheet that was stuck in the wash with them. HA HA! There's no escaping the girlishness in my house. (insert evil laugh here)

V-V-V-Voxxy!!

Hubby and I argued last night (what's new? I'm apparently arguementative by nature.) about whether or not myspace sucked. Here's my continuation of said arguement:

Myspace Sucks Because:

- Every time I click on a link that comes in my email it never load.
- It decides at random whether or not I can log on.
- In order to read messages or reply to messages or read comments or reply to comments I must go through multiple screens which all run the risk of never loading because, after all, it's myspace.
- It sucks "."

So thanks to the hannigods (my new name for the fantabulous bloggess)I am now a member of the newest coolest networking site. It has some features that I find much more useful than myspace, but best of all it's platform seems to be built for growth, which means we may luckily not end up with the dreaded "Tom is busy working on the site blah blah blah".

Interested? Wanna we what I got? Wanna get an invite? Click on the link to the left to check it out and let me know!

Best Form of Flattery

Booger has started to practice being Mommy and it's so funny. When I ask "what's in Mommy's tummy?" I get in reply "Baby's in Ali's tummy Mama!"

Oh excuse me! I'm just getting fat!

Yesterday we went to see Treeka, our chiropractor. I got adjusted and was resting for a moment before I stood up when booger decided to grab a back bolster with one hand, a fistfull of my hair in her other hand and tried to sit me up via hair-grab and slide the booster under my back. "sit up mama".

Then today we had our Midwife and her assitant come by for a home visit. Since it's only going to be a month to my due date we have to get stuff ready for the birth and the midwife needs to know how to get here and where things are in the house. In order for her to get a good feel of the baby while I laid on the couch she had to slide a book under my lower back (an elmo book). They checked the heartbeat with the doppler then decided to do another check in my room. As soon as I got up from the couch Ali grabbed a book and put it on Daddy's chair to sit on, which was cute, but not as cute as her taking my place on the couch and lifting up her dress so that they could listen to her baby's heartbeat.

SO FLIPPIN' CUTE!!!

Baby Ticker - Because Wordpress SUCKS!

I'm not crazy...I swear

I'm just pregnant. Pregnancy means I can become completely irrational at the drop of a hat. Although - who drops their hat? It would get dirty. ick

Anyway, now that it's not 1 AM and my house is clean I feel better able to evaluate my current state. I woke up well and cleaned and got ready to take Booger to music in the park. After about an hour I started to feel like I needed to sit, so I sat down and within five minutes started crying (not wailing...just tears...calm down!) and feeling AWFUL! I could hardly imagine getting up off of the couch, let alone going downtown and being mother hawk around a million kids dancing. I think at that moment, that's what I imagined hell is like. (you know, besides the lack of my belief in hell. LOL!)

So I told Ali that Daddy would take her to the playground tonight and we conveniently have just not left for downtown. I don't feel great, but that awful moment has passed. I'm pretty sure it'll come around again though.

God I hate being pregnant. Why can't they just put you into labor when you conceive? That would be so much easier. I'd much rather go through an awful painful labor than 9 months of "UGH".

Random Rants

Diapers

Some of you know that I've become diaper obsessed, but what many of you don't realize is just how freakin' cute this little things are. I finally took some pictures of some of the most recent ones I've made for our newest little guy and posted them on flickr.

Reunion

My 10 year high school reunion was Saturday night and I didn't go. What's so pathetic is how difficult of a decision is was to go in the first place. But thankfully something else came up that made the decision for me.

Just when I think I'm over the baggage of high school crap it slaps me in the face. Just when I think I'm prepared to see people and either forgive or be forgiven...
and JUST when I think I have complete and total control over my emotions I remember that I'm PREGNANT! I'm an absolute nutcase! I can't deal with these people when I'm so incredibly crazed and miserable.

So when I started crying uncontrollably tonight I thought it was because I regretted going, then I realized it was because of three things: A) I was irritated at my family. B) I missed the reunion and didn't know how to feel about that and C) I'm growing a human and he messes with my head 24/7!


Baby

Junior is getting huge and making me miserable. I can't get comfortable and I'm constantly feeling ill. ugh. I can't wait to get this kid out and be sleep deprived because of an outside force instead of this inside one.

I've been getting really bad leg cramps lately too. Or just on the verge of cramping. Enough to wake me up and be very aware of how I'm moving in bed. My calves are so sore!

And don't get me started about the hemorroids!

House

Holy crap I love my house! (I figured I needed something happy to blog about)

It's pretty. It's clean. It's pretty. It's QUIET (besides the choo choo) and Booger has so much more space to run around inside and out!

Passion of the Anti-Semite!

You gotta love Hollywood!

Getting way too stinkin' cute!!!

Bouncing Booger

Such a beautiful day in AK today. You can't let days like today slip past because they are so rare and so perfect. So just as Ali was about to drive me to the brink bartering her ham for cookies I decided that instead of driving to the store to buy her Wheat/Gluten free goodness that we would take a walk. I didn't ask Joe I just said, "let's walk to the store for some cookies".

Let me remind everyone that I am a big tub o'tubby right now and that walking is just about my least favorate thing in the world while supporting a bowling ball in my abdomen. But I figured that I haven't been taking such good care of myself physically and I should take advantage of the good weather.

Holy crap...we are old, fat and tired. Ali RAN most of the way. Jumping, giggling, and racing us. I was lucky to take normal sized steps. I figured she would get too tired and want to stop. Nope. 2 year olds are freak athletes I've determined. This of course is only going to motivate me to get back into shape after baby gets here.

We finally made it home, cookies bought (a couple eaten) and sunshine still shining. In fact just to make you "lower 48" people jealous, it's 9 PM right now and the sun is STILL shining. Sigh...I love this place. I'll catch up on sleep this winter. Oh, that's right, I'll be up all night nursing a baby. Nevermind.

Waiting....and waiting....and waiting some more

This last month of pregnancy is the worst. Well, I suppose if I all of sudden felt like I did in the first four months I might change that statement, but I'm far enough away from that memory that this feels worse. Uncomfortable, tired, and unable to move around very well make for long boring days and long uncomfortable sleepless nights.

I've been a diaper sewing freak the past couple of days just trying to occupy myself and not stare at the TV. I'm starting to get tired of diapers. Not completely tired! Don't get me wrong. I'm still obsessed. I just don't have any new fabric or anything, so it's getting really repetititive. I have a whole bunch of fabric coming soon, but I don't know how soon because it's a coop. So I just have to wait until it's done getting put together.

ok...my back hurts and I'm super tired. Plus the snoring coming from the mysterious man on the couch next to me is starting to get annoying. Oh...it's just hubby. sigh...gotta drag him to bed.

Can I stop now?

Please? Can I please just STOP and sit...put my feet up for the next four to six weeks?

I'm not complaining, because as busy as we've been it's all been great, but come on! I'm getting fatter and grouchier by the minute. Pretty soon I'm going to pop out of a trash can and be furry and green.

I would just like some normalacy. Some routine. Some everyday stuff that doesn't have to be shifted around...all so I can put my feet up and get baby stuff ready. Is that so hard?

Now that I've complained, let me clarify that I am thrilled to death with our move, that our trips to Fairbanks and Anchor Point were fabulous and that I am so sad Jon had to leave and that he couldn't bring his family with him. I would do them all over again this week if I had to. Although I'm sure I would be sitting a lot more! LOL!

Back from Anchor Point

I should be in bed. And I tried to go to sleep but I had to dump this out of my brain first.

Hubby's friend (I have dubbed him Hubby's "One and Only") Jon is in town applying for a position at the Anchor Point Church of Christ as their preacher. I had never met Jon, so I was a little nervous, but that took about two seconds to wash away. Jon is awesome. I can now see why he is Hubby's "One and Only". (I'm in so much trouble for saying that)

Anyway...we had a great drive down. Booger was a trooper, sleeping part of the way and playing the rest of the time. We stayed at a B&B that Hubby's folks put us up in (SO SO nice of them!) that was beautiful. It had the most gigantic jacuzzi bathtub I've ever seen. I forgot what it felt like to not have a bowling ball for a belly for half an hour. The sweetest half hour I'll experience in the next month I imagine.

Then we got up the next morning (this morning) and headed down to Anchor Point for Church, where Booger decided it was the best time and place to test her "no" power. Let's just say that Daddy got to test his "spanking" power. After we settled down and heard Jon give a GREAT sermon (Even I could follow and stay engaged, which says a lot!) we were invited over to the Firth's house for lunch.

We didn't know what we were getting ourselves into, but it turned out to be a great experience. Ben and Melanie Firth have 7 children, who are all homeschooled. They live without running water and sustain their family on their artwork. BEAUTIFUL artwork! Even the children are incredibly talented. They all play instruments and draw. Many of the drawings/paintings that we saw were more advanced and beautiful than work we've seen professors and professionals do.

We got to hear Jon sing a little bit too, which was great for everyone...but I especially enjoyed it because I'd heard so many recordings. Meeting Jon makes me feel like I've found the missing piece to Hubby. Nothing was missing, but he knows things about hubby that no one else would know or think about. I somehow feel validated.

Yes, it IS all about me!

Our last stop was to the Norman Lowell Studio and Gallery. Un-be-leiv-able! This aurora painting does not get justice online. It was at least 7 feet across and so full of color and life. It was really some of the most incredible work I've seen in this state. He should have his own rooms at the museum downtown - right next to Sydney Laurence.

Norman Lowell is a member of the church and Hubby's grandaddy's old art instructor. Our home has paintings that grandaddy has done that are all very noticably influenced by Norman. The Gallery is HUGE! We expected a small rustic viewing of some basic Alaskan art, but when we walked in we were absolutely speechless. It's by far, one of the best tourist attractions we've seen in Alaska (as far as art/walking/non-outdoors attractions are concerned).

We finally got home and my back is killing me. I think I may finally be able to sleep now that I've verbally vomited all over the internet (my own personal tube).

Embarrassed to be an Alaskan

Ted Stevens and Internet Tubes - Just in case you haven't heard.

OMG! I'm a "Crunchy Mama"

I never ever thought in my whole life that I could be labeled so easily. I can't believe I'm a crunchy mama!

Realizing of course that no matter how crunchy I get I still LOVE Coke and McDonalds french fries. (it's just the rebel in me)

Hemorroids and other TMI

I want to say I've posted about the joys of giving birth before, but I just figured a little TMI never hurt anyone, and if it does then you should probably just move on to much happier things, like fluffy bunnies and unicorns.

I had an appointment with my midwife today and I decided now was as good a time as any to broach the subject of hemorroids. See, I have one. Yes, I know - I've crossed the line. It's gets so much better though! During the two and half hours I pushed booger out of my hoo-hoo pressure was created in an unwelcome place that created a really fun, and slightly permanent ailment that we'll call hemmie.

Little hemmie and I are not friends. We never will be. And what I really want to avoid is little hemmie bringing any of his friends to the birthing party. I don't have any fears of tearing (been there, have the t-shirt), contractions, or back labor. All of those things are temporary and repairable. Hemmie and his little swollen buddies like to hang around, and they stop me from enjoying the love in my life: Dairy.

Many women have other fears associated with their sphincter and labor as well. Mostly they relate to pooping in front of other people while they're pushing. Yes, for those of you who don't know it is common for a woman to have at least one, if not many, movements when they're pushing. Thankfully, it is so common that the professionals assisting you are generally fast enough to whisk it away before you even know it's happened.

No one has said that I gave freedom to feces during my two and half hour stint, however I was informed of my arse releasing stank. Of course, I don't know if anyone beyond my hubby smelled it because he was pretty much underneath me as I pushed in a birthing chair. (yes, more stuff you really didn't need to know)

So anyway, I inform the midwife that I'm really not keen on hemmie inviting someone without my approval and she gave me some tips to help prepare "down there" for the eventful day, but also reassured me that she would be doing what she could during the birthing process to keep hemmie and his friends inside the door.

What would that entail? Oh, you know, essentially holding her hand on my rectum to provide counter pressure. So since no part of my body is really private and sacred anymore I felt I should share in my good fortune. Either have hemmie bring a friend, or have someone use their hand has a butt plug.

Yay!

Games

What is it with people and playing games? Either by misleading you or by giving you the silent treatment? Do they really think that they're somehow furthering their cause? Of course they are. They have just suckered you into the emotional turmoil of being pissed off or frustrated. They win, no matter what unless you just really don't care.

I care. I hate that I care because overall it tends to hurt me in the end because I stop protecting myself. But I also hate being forced to protect myself. Either I react (and they win because I got mad) or don't react (and they win because they got away with it).

I like to think that as adults we are all mature enough and kind enough to let someone know when we're upset through civil means of communication. Letters, email, phone calls, etc. But games only make the situation worse and prolong the inevitable blow up. And I'm good at blow ups...so I suppose I shouldn't let it bother me, because if it does blow up, I'm better suited to handle it. (Thanks Dad)

Maybe I should be upset that my parents didn't play games with me (at least, not too many) and that confrontation was the key to problem solving. Cause then maybe I would understand how to play the game and win.

I WANNA WIN! WWWAAAAAHHHHH!!!