Diet Woes

I've had my diet reduced to nothing. It's always a tough transition, but I'm so grateful after a few days or weeks because of how much better I feel and how much weight I start to lose.

(I just scarfed 3 oreos - please don't turn me into the food police)

However there is a side effect when you up the fiber intake in any diet. Flatulence. I have a big stinky loud butt. I think I may have even passed up my husband in the farting arena. Nothing SBD here (silent but deadly). I've taken to using my new talent to distact booger when she's in the middle of a power struggle with me.

No! Mama!

Yes Booger.

No! No! No!

BBBBRRRRRRAAAAPPPPPP!!!!

giggle giggle (she's all mine now!)

Karma

Thanks for all of the sweet words. I was just having a "moment" (ie. want to stand outside and scream profane words at the top of my lungs while jumping up and down).

Here's a better happier story to share.

Hubby was coming home last night and stopped at a local fast food place to get us some disgusting grub. In his ordering flubbery (because he can never remember all of the special requests I have made) he didn't pay attention to the change the worker handed him back from his $20 bill. He threw it on the seat next to him and drove off. As he was driving down the road he noticed that instead of the $3 and change there was a 5, 10 and five 1's sitting on the seat with the receipt.

Yes, the upstanding, honest thing would have been to turn around and fix it, but then again that would have been a big u-turn.

Anyway...so he thought to himself that he would get himself some good beer to enjoy his beefy barfy goodness with. As he's strolling the liquor store he notices three young girls that look vaguely familiar. It occurs to him that he JUST saw them at the Arena going to a high school hockey game. So he walks up to the counter with his beer and tells the manager.

The manager doesn't believe him! In fact, he said that he didn't even consider them "cardable". So hubby bets him his six pack of beer that they're not 21. The guy totally goes for it and walks over to check they're I.D.s. They were only 16!

So last night we feasted on free burgers and beer. Yay for our good karma.

Relationships Suck

Yes, I know that I'm being negative. But not in a place in my life where I'm not pleased with most of my relationships. They're all out of balance or changing. There are really only two connections that I have that feel solid and normal. Another is me being too judgemental or it's just time to grow apart and another is just too sad and frustrating to explain.

At what point do you decide whether or not a friendship is worth it? How long do you wait when the going gets tough to see if it gets any better? Especially if you're sure neither of you is going to change.

Then, what do you do when you've had an awful fight with someone that uncovers some horrible patterns in your relationship and when you get past the anger to extend the olive branch and start over they hand it back?

I can stand on my own two feet. I have an amazing husband who is always there if I need to lean, but I'd like to have my life back please. Life is too short and I don't want to spend it hurting.

Makes me want to move. blegh.

Officially a Nerd

I'd like to admit my nerdom to the world. For those who watch Heroes they may understand the nerd-like obsession that can occur. I love this show so much that when the http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZsXNnlrnwPgcomes on I stop everything to watch it. Even though I've seen it 4 times already that afternoon. Then when we finally get to watch it and it ends I'm so angry and sad that it's over.

I have to poke at Hubby though too while I'm at it. I was channel surfing the other day and stopped on Star Trek TOS (for those "un-nerds" that stands for The Original Series) for a minute. Booger comes over and says, "Mama, that's Daddy's show". I didn't realize that it was on that much in our house. And apparently I'm not supposed to watch it. So it was easy to respond with, "Oops, you're right!" CLICK...aaahhhhh "E". Gotta love The Soup.

Computer Illiterate

So my new url worked and now it doesn't. And taking care of two children and my house and trying to start a business seem to be taking all of my computer literacy time. So one day I'll get it back up. I apologize for the confusion for those of you who were so excited to see www.ambutt.com. Really, it looks exactly the same as this, I just made an impulse decision and it's now bitten me in the ambutt!

In the meantime let's talk about diapers. I just ordered the most awesome hemp fleece and hemp french terry. I wish I had done it sooner. It's soft and heavy and thin enough to make really trim diapers with great bacteria properties. I'm very excited. Pathetic huh? I get excited about poop catchers.

(kind of like "hammer pants" - my dad called them all day poopers) Ha Ha!

Booger has discovered the undersea world of Ariel. We watched it twice the other day. Hubby tried to convince me that the second time we could sneak another video under the wire, like Dora, or Baby Einstein. He melted from my death glare. I would rather watch The Little Mermaid a hundred times than hear the Dora song, "Bridge, Moutain, Gooey Geyser". Trust me, enough of that and you go a little nuts.

Junior is officially teething. But not his middle bottom teeth but the next two out. pretty cute if he doesn't have any front teeth. He was fairly fussy, but a little teething gel and he was like a rag doll.

He's been a very easy baby. So easy that I've been feeling like maybe he could sleep by himself. Like he was the one that might have a problem not sleeping with me. Boy was a wrong and sad. I set up the playpen in our room last night and laid him in it and quickly realized that I did not like him being separated from me. I made myself get into bed anyway. But within 5 minutes he was awake and when I tried to soothe him back to sleep his just glared at me and screamed louder. So I picked him up and made us both happy.

My Hummus Recipe: Amhummus

I've had WAY too many requests for this recipe lately and too many people don't write it down, so here it is forever for you to look at! (or as long as the internet or this site or I exist)


For best results eyeball it!

2 cans of Garbanzo beans
3 Tablespoons of Tahini (generally located with the peanut butter in your natural foods)
1 clove of garlic (minced)
1 lemon
Olive Oil
cilantro FRESH
salt

I use a handblender, but you can use a food processor for this too.

Smoosh together garbanzo beans, tahini, garlic, the juice of one lemon, and olive oil. Use enough olive oil to make it a paste. If you prefer you can also add water to thin it out. It will mix better in the food processor that way and will spread better as well. Add salt to taste.

Chop up a good handful of cilantro and stir it in. If you put it in the food processor it will just turn your hummus Green. Kind of strange...but festive on March 17th.

That's IT!

Most recipes call for at least 1:1 part tahini to garbanzo. I like less tahini for taste reasons, but also because it cuts the fat. I also like to cut the olive oil content with water to lower the fat. And adding lemon juice in place of water is also an option. Really these general guidelines make for awesome yummy hummus with tortilla chips. You can't really screw it up!

Little Strips of Gold

I have a new jewel in my house. It's called a snore strip. I'm curious to find out why they're not decorated in crystals or gold plating because they are surely the most valuable item we own.

The miracle strips gave me my first night of almost (nursing baby) uninterrupted sleep in a month. Hubby is not a chronic snorer, he just has phases of snoring. Soon he probably won't need to strips to protect his life, but until then he needs to watch his back.

Yeast

Yeast is a bacteria that makes bread rise and also makes cooter's itch. Yes, I just said cooter. It's time for another installment of "TMI in Amberland".

I have been to the doctor more times in the past year than I can count. Mostly for standard pregnancy related stuff. But the last four months I've been battling the monster we call YEAST! (growl)

It started with a diagnosis from my midwife that I had Bacterial Vaginosis. ICK! However she didn't test for yeast so it was more a guess. I still am not sure if that's what I had or if I had both yeast and BV. All I knew was that I could not get my IUD until it cleared up. You figure it out.

I did a 10 day horrible treatment for the BV and made an appointment to get my IUD. This time, they tested for yeast. And that's what I had. Great. So I then did a 7 day over the counter yeast treatment. It didn't work. So I did it a second time. It worked long enough to get the IUD installed.

Then it returned. I did a different over the counter treatment. It left for about a month. It's returned and is making my life hell. On top of my already restricted breatsfeeding diet of no dairy, wheat or eggs I now have to avoid all sugars and acidic foods (coffee, tea, vinegar).

The problem is that every night after I've eaten well all day, I sabotage my efforts by binging on sugar. I KNOW that part of the yeast problem is caused by the sugar but it's like a bad bad addiction. I even know that if I exercise and drink water that it will help alleviate the cravings. But I apparently don't listen to myself.

So after I downed a coke tonight I drove to Barnes and Noble and bought a mocha and double chocolate brownie. YUM!

Thank you for getting as far through this post as you did. I understand it wasn't incredibly entertaining, but you know what? I feel better. Pat yourself on the back for that. I'm proud of you! I'll entertain you later.

New Name - New Attitude?

It seems my life is completely boring unless you start talking about the characters in it. And since I can't go around airing my friend's and family's dirty laundry for your entertainment I have to find other ways to be interesting. Not an easy chore when held up to the lives around me. But I'll find a way.

One way is to rename my blog. Yes, you DID see the word "ambutt" at the top of the page. Thanks to my dear childhood friend girl ferret I have lived with this nickname since the 8th grade (give or take a grade or two).

Let me clarify that this nickname does not indicate that I have a large backside, wide load, or 'am butt'. I am Am, therefore I am. I do not claim to have a smallish posterior either, just not one of such proportions that a nickname is generally required.

No, this name comes from the days of forts made of multiple materials: mud, yarn and sticks, logs, snow, and of course chairs and blankets. From the days of 4-day long sleepovers that gave me smelly pajamas and mittens on my teeth (I have much better dental hygeine now). From the days of notes that did not say anything important, but that told long elaborate stories always ending in death.

Death, you ask? Why death? Were you morbid or sick? No, I am confident I wasn't. Just a little bit warped and incredibly bored in a hick backcountry town. In fact, I was just reminiscing today with girl ferret about how my stories always seemed to include Jonathan Brandis, Tom Cruise (all hail xenu), or green gushing ooze overtaking the world. And then,

I died!

Jr Rolls Over!!!!

Lumpy Sea Butter and Other Things

This will be my last dance of joy in regards to this momentous victory. So cherish it. Roll in it. Be with it. It is glorious!

Hubby and I are out to a romantic candle lit (I caught the bread basket paper liner on fire) dinner at a swank Italian restaurant when the music catches my ear. I realize I know the voice, but not the song. Which intrigues me.

I say, "Hon, I think this is Colleen Coadic."

"No, it's not."

"Yes, I'm pretty sure it is."

He says, "You wanna bet?" with one eyebrow raised.

I agree to the bet. The stakes being pride because really how can you bet monetarily when only one of you makes the money?

I ask the waiter and he comes back with the name of the band and album on a scrap piece of paper. At this point we've moved on to another song and I can tell it's not the same woman singing. He still thinks I'm crazy and don't hear as well as I think I do. The band is Balligomingo. He thinks he's won, but I'm still convinced - my argument being that she must have been a guest performer on the album (she's a local amazing artist)

We get home and hubby gets on the computer, looks up the album and sighs quite loudly. He starts naming the artists on the album and names Colleen. I start doing the biggest most obnoxious, booty-shaking, victory dance that I've ever done. It was awesome.

As far as lumpy sea butter is concerned. I just loved sea scallops. They taste like butter. Little delicious lumps of butter. Lumpy Sea Butter!