Family Drama Chapter 2

It’s Monday night and tomorrow our lives may change (already have technically) drastically.  We are going to a hearing in Palmer to possibly gain custody of Layne, my brother’s month old son.  

On Sunday the state took away custody when Ashley tested positive for meth. It’s a very sad day for everyone.  Zac has also tested positive and will probably not remain in Layne’s life (at least for the time being). Ashley seems to be ready and willing to rehabilitate to get Layne back.  This has all happened very quickly and we’re still trying to unwind from the initial freakout.

I don’t want to get into details online but I also don’t want anyone to worry. So I’m going to leave the info basic. I apologize if you feel like I’ve left you hanging.  We’re just very stressed and I don’t want to upset any court proceedings or divulge too much private information about Zac or Ashley.  

Your thoughts, prayers and happy mojo are always welcomed and appreciated!  I will keep you updated.

WHOA!!! Everybody breath!!

WHOA!! Hold on!  I know it sounds bad, but it isn’t so bad that ya’ll gotta go freakin out on me.  Geez!!!  I was just having a moment. We’ve all had those.  Those moments where you’re already in a bad mood and the last thing you need is a one year old attached to your back screaming to have you pay attention to her/him/it.  And not just any scream, but the constant rhythmic screaming that only a baby can commit to. And not just anywhere, but right behind the right side of your head, just close enough to hurt but far enough away that you can’t grab the mouth that’s violating your “ear” space.  

So let’s start over and clarify. I was attempting to vent without divulging to the world the drama that our family is enjoying right now.  Here is some detail. My brother, not my husband, has a lot of problems.  He has always had problems and has gotten away with a lot of them.  My parents tried their best, but he was always better and knew how to get around them.  They’ve finally decided enough is enough and that whether he acknowledges it or not, he has a drug problem. This means changing their (everyone’s) relationship with him.  And nothing like this ever comes easy or slowly.  You just have to do it.

Anyone that knows my family knows that we ALL wear our hearts on our sleeve. Especially my mom. My dad likes to act like he doesn’t but it’s just as bare and in view if you look hard enough.  Anyway, because of this, we tend to show our feelings more than others may understand and also pull together a little closer than some families might in times of stress because it’s easier, it feels good and it only helps the family to feel like we’re helping each other.

My dad had to leave this week for work and my mom had the sole responsibility of confronting her son and pushing him away to get help.  I cannot comprehend how difficult it is and I pray that I will never have to feel that kind of pain.  So Ali and I are staying with my mom for the week.  Making sure that she knows that she didn’t make the wrong decision and that all of us would do it for her if we could.  

As karma would have it, my dad’s trip is getting shortened by two weeks, so he’ll be home just after the official “kicking out” happens with Zac.  Which only solidifies in my heart that mom had to be the one to confront Zac.  

For all of you who are curious about Methamphetamines:
Signs of methamphetamine use:

1. Drug paraphernalia such as short straws, tubes, razor blades, mirrors, syringes or smoking devices


2. Items containing white, beige, pink or brown powder or crystalline substances


3. Someone going for long periods without sleep


4. Lack of personal hygiene, including rotting teeth, skin rash or sores, or a strong chemical body odor


5. Excessive and undirected energy


6. Changes in mood and loss of interest in hobbies, friends or activities


7. Hallucination and paranoia


8. Uncontrolled emotional outbursts, possibly accompanied by violence or aggression

Nearly all of these signs Zac portrays on a regular basis. We’ve referred to him as of late as “skeletor”. He doesn’t eat, he is constantly exhausted, looks and smells like he hasn’t bathed in months, and has recently shown us his emotional instability.  

It’s going to be and it has been a long road. For Zac especially.  I hope he can see himself someday and make the changes he needs.

Family Crisis

Family emergencies are no fun. No one is happy. No one is jumping for joy that something or someone has just killed all the fun. Especially if it's a someone. what do you do with that someone? I know what I'd LIKE to do! Yell, scream....beat to a big mushy crying heap. yeah, that's sad and mean. I know. but I say it all with love - REALLY! What would you want to do to someone that made your mommy cry? See, I told you so.

I've buried all sorts of ugly anger towards him and walked away so that I don't get in the middle of what my parents have worked so hard on. I think maybe I've bottled so much of it up that I wonder what I really feel anymore. I know that somewhere in here I love him, but he's family, I'm supposed to love him. The other parts of me don't even think about him anymore. The only reason I help him is to help others. His new child, my parents, maybe his friends, and in the end I hope it helps him, but I never think it's really going to stick.

I told my boss last week, excitedly, that I thought he was growing up. I started to feel like maybe we would have a relationship. that was a shortlived excitement. that was a shortlived dream. Now I can only hope that sometime in the future he will be clean and happy. Whether I have a relationship with him or not.

It makes all holidays sad. All vacations sad. All family involved anything sad. And he can't see any of that. He has no understanding how much he affects other people. and behind his warped glasses, we're all against him, so there's no way to win. It sucks.

ali thinks it sucks too, which is why she's screaming mad at me right now.....sigh. time for a nap.