PMSing?

I wish I had a port where I could plug in a USB cable and hook it up to the computer so I could download a report of my current mental/emotional/physical state. It would tell me if I really did get enough sleep, which would include an analysis showing whether or not working out would have been a benefit or a hinderance on my health. (One more hour of sleep when you've been up all night, or go exhaust your last resources?)

Anyway, I suppose that today is just a day to PMS. I've been sitting at home all morning tinkering around. Trying not to eat every little snack-like food in the kitchen. I should NEVER buy things you can grab out of a bag. or peanut butter. Satan's spread! I didn't go to work because alison was up all night nursing and was a huge pain in the butt last night. Not that it was her fault, I don't think she felt good. She wanted up, the down then sideways. Alone, but with me. Anywhere but where or how she was.

so I called one of my best friends today to whine to her and of course, I wasn't the one who needed to whine. Or who needed the hug. So then I feel bad for complaining when I really don't have it bad, and not being able to help her because she's an adult and has to deal with her own crap. Boy that sucks too. Makes me want to get in the car and drive the six hours to her house. Maybe....I'll have to think about it.

Mom and Dad are in Kansas. Actually, mom is in Kansas, Dad is in Texas. I was sad to not be able to go when I talked to them and heard everyone's voice in the background, but then I realized just what it would mean to have a 9 month old baby on an airplane for hours and hours and then be in someone else's house for days. Just the thought stresses me out.

Hhhmmm...is it just me, or am I whining?

Time to get ready to go to the gym.

On the Fitness Weight Watchers Train Again

I've been doing really well working out and sticking to my points the past few months, but I'm starting to realize what a money pit it can be, espcially when you don't actually participate in the meetings. I poay 10.95 to stand on a scale once a week. What a rip off. What a gullible woman.

I actually really used to find value in the meetings, but Niki and I haven't stayed for one in over a month. It's just a waste of time. We don't fit in and we don't talk, because it just gets you into trouble later. So I'm trying to talk her into having our own "weight watchers" meeting at my house on the same day at the same time. She'll come over, we'll weight ourselves and then we'll go pig out, just like normal. I'm thinking I'll make some big pretty chart to put on the wall in the craft room or something. I'll invent some stupid little ceremony just to make us feel like we're meeting our "therapy" requirement that a group weight watchers meeting is supposed to fulfill.

I also can't seem to find the right balance of working out, sleeping and spending time with joe. I suppose that's because he's so busy with work and I've got class and working out...so if I'm not doing something for me I'm doing it for him and vice versa. I feel like I can't win. And he's not asking anything of me. I just love a good self imposed guilt trip. I AM supposed to be perfect of course.



.

OOHHHMMMM....I am not annoyed...OOHHHMMMM

Alison is (and I guess always has been) going through a very clingy phase. So clingy that this week I haven't been able to set her down unless she's totally happy with her surroundings and I'm 2" from her. I'm sure the crazy amount of teeth coming into her head have something to do with it, but somehow that doesn't ease the annoyance factor. And to top it off, at night she nurses all night long or squirms and cries. I can't tell if it's gas, or teething or just a new fun little habit. It's been happening all week. ugh

So today she fell asleep in my arms and I tried to lay her in her crib. that didn't work. I tried everything. Taking my sweet little time and ever so slowly lowering her (she senses the drop in elevation and wakes up glaring and screaming until she's nuzzled again), swaddling her and doing the latter (she actually makes it to the mattress but wakes up 2 seconds later), and just leaving the room.

I enjoyed the leaving the room method. Less hassle. Less annoyance. Well, except for the screaming banshee in the bedroom. I was SO ready to cry it out. But it's not like it was her bedtime. It was 3:30 in the afternoon. So I thought I would go online and see if I could find some support or ideas. I went to Dr. Bob Sears website (he's great for being a moderate resource for parenting - you do what works best for you) and clicked on his personal journal about raising his third baby. It had me in stitches and made me feel so much better.

It's nice to know that an intelligent, educated, pediatrician who has raised two kids already still has trouble with a baby. I wasn't nearly as annoyed with her after that, and currently have her strapped to my back (which is not aching) while she sleeps (the little stinker). We apologized to each other by cuddling and getting calm and now she's so forgiving she's resting her head on the back of my own, straining my neck. Aaaaahhhh...the joys of motherhood.