I'm not crazy...I swear

I'm just pregnant. Pregnancy means I can become completely irrational at the drop of a hat. Although - who drops their hat? It would get dirty. ick

Anyway, now that it's not 1 AM and my house is clean I feel better able to evaluate my current state. I woke up well and cleaned and got ready to take Booger to music in the park. After about an hour I started to feel like I needed to sit, so I sat down and within five minutes started crying (not wailing...just tears...calm down!) and feeling AWFUL! I could hardly imagine getting up off of the couch, let alone going downtown and being mother hawk around a million kids dancing. I think at that moment, that's what I imagined hell is like. (you know, besides the lack of my belief in hell. LOL!)

So I told Ali that Daddy would take her to the playground tonight and we conveniently have just not left for downtown. I don't feel great, but that awful moment has passed. I'm pretty sure it'll come around again though.

God I hate being pregnant. Why can't they just put you into labor when you conceive? That would be so much easier. I'd much rather go through an awful painful labor than 9 months of "UGH".

Random Rants

Diapers

Some of you know that I've become diaper obsessed, but what many of you don't realize is just how freakin' cute this little things are. I finally took some pictures of some of the most recent ones I've made for our newest little guy and posted them on flickr.

Reunion

My 10 year high school reunion was Saturday night and I didn't go. What's so pathetic is how difficult of a decision is was to go in the first place. But thankfully something else came up that made the decision for me.

Just when I think I'm over the baggage of high school crap it slaps me in the face. Just when I think I'm prepared to see people and either forgive or be forgiven...
and JUST when I think I have complete and total control over my emotions I remember that I'm PREGNANT! I'm an absolute nutcase! I can't deal with these people when I'm so incredibly crazed and miserable.

So when I started crying uncontrollably tonight I thought it was because I regretted going, then I realized it was because of three things: A) I was irritated at my family. B) I missed the reunion and didn't know how to feel about that and C) I'm growing a human and he messes with my head 24/7!


Baby

Junior is getting huge and making me miserable. I can't get comfortable and I'm constantly feeling ill. ugh. I can't wait to get this kid out and be sleep deprived because of an outside force instead of this inside one.

I've been getting really bad leg cramps lately too. Or just on the verge of cramping. Enough to wake me up and be very aware of how I'm moving in bed. My calves are so sore!

And don't get me started about the hemorroids!

House

Holy crap I love my house! (I figured I needed something happy to blog about)

It's pretty. It's clean. It's pretty. It's QUIET (besides the choo choo) and Booger has so much more space to run around inside and out!

Passion of the Anti-Semite!

You gotta love Hollywood!

Getting way too stinkin' cute!!!

Bouncing Booger

Such a beautiful day in AK today. You can't let days like today slip past because they are so rare and so perfect. So just as Ali was about to drive me to the brink bartering her ham for cookies I decided that instead of driving to the store to buy her Wheat/Gluten free goodness that we would take a walk. I didn't ask Joe I just said, "let's walk to the store for some cookies".

Let me remind everyone that I am a big tub o'tubby right now and that walking is just about my least favorate thing in the world while supporting a bowling ball in my abdomen. But I figured that I haven't been taking such good care of myself physically and I should take advantage of the good weather.

Holy crap...we are old, fat and tired. Ali RAN most of the way. Jumping, giggling, and racing us. I was lucky to take normal sized steps. I figured she would get too tired and want to stop. Nope. 2 year olds are freak athletes I've determined. This of course is only going to motivate me to get back into shape after baby gets here.

We finally made it home, cookies bought (a couple eaten) and sunshine still shining. In fact just to make you "lower 48" people jealous, it's 9 PM right now and the sun is STILL shining. Sigh...I love this place. I'll catch up on sleep this winter. Oh, that's right, I'll be up all night nursing a baby. Nevermind.

Waiting....and waiting....and waiting some more

This last month of pregnancy is the worst. Well, I suppose if I all of sudden felt like I did in the first four months I might change that statement, but I'm far enough away from that memory that this feels worse. Uncomfortable, tired, and unable to move around very well make for long boring days and long uncomfortable sleepless nights.

I've been a diaper sewing freak the past couple of days just trying to occupy myself and not stare at the TV. I'm starting to get tired of diapers. Not completely tired! Don't get me wrong. I'm still obsessed. I just don't have any new fabric or anything, so it's getting really repetititive. I have a whole bunch of fabric coming soon, but I don't know how soon because it's a coop. So I just have to wait until it's done getting put together.

ok...my back hurts and I'm super tired. Plus the snoring coming from the mysterious man on the couch next to me is starting to get annoying. Oh...it's just hubby. sigh...gotta drag him to bed.

Can I stop now?

Please? Can I please just STOP and sit...put my feet up for the next four to six weeks?

I'm not complaining, because as busy as we've been it's all been great, but come on! I'm getting fatter and grouchier by the minute. Pretty soon I'm going to pop out of a trash can and be furry and green.

I would just like some normalacy. Some routine. Some everyday stuff that doesn't have to be shifted around...all so I can put my feet up and get baby stuff ready. Is that so hard?

Now that I've complained, let me clarify that I am thrilled to death with our move, that our trips to Fairbanks and Anchor Point were fabulous and that I am so sad Jon had to leave and that he couldn't bring his family with him. I would do them all over again this week if I had to. Although I'm sure I would be sitting a lot more! LOL!

Back from Anchor Point

I should be in bed. And I tried to go to sleep but I had to dump this out of my brain first.

Hubby's friend (I have dubbed him Hubby's "One and Only") Jon is in town applying for a position at the Anchor Point Church of Christ as their preacher. I had never met Jon, so I was a little nervous, but that took about two seconds to wash away. Jon is awesome. I can now see why he is Hubby's "One and Only". (I'm in so much trouble for saying that)

Anyway...we had a great drive down. Booger was a trooper, sleeping part of the way and playing the rest of the time. We stayed at a B&B that Hubby's folks put us up in (SO SO nice of them!) that was beautiful. It had the most gigantic jacuzzi bathtub I've ever seen. I forgot what it felt like to not have a bowling ball for a belly for half an hour. The sweetest half hour I'll experience in the next month I imagine.

Then we got up the next morning (this morning) and headed down to Anchor Point for Church, where Booger decided it was the best time and place to test her "no" power. Let's just say that Daddy got to test his "spanking" power. After we settled down and heard Jon give a GREAT sermon (Even I could follow and stay engaged, which says a lot!) we were invited over to the Firth's house for lunch.

We didn't know what we were getting ourselves into, but it turned out to be a great experience. Ben and Melanie Firth have 7 children, who are all homeschooled. They live without running water and sustain their family on their artwork. BEAUTIFUL artwork! Even the children are incredibly talented. They all play instruments and draw. Many of the drawings/paintings that we saw were more advanced and beautiful than work we've seen professors and professionals do.

We got to hear Jon sing a little bit too, which was great for everyone...but I especially enjoyed it because I'd heard so many recordings. Meeting Jon makes me feel like I've found the missing piece to Hubby. Nothing was missing, but he knows things about hubby that no one else would know or think about. I somehow feel validated.

Yes, it IS all about me!

Our last stop was to the Norman Lowell Studio and Gallery. Un-be-leiv-able! This aurora painting does not get justice online. It was at least 7 feet across and so full of color and life. It was really some of the most incredible work I've seen in this state. He should have his own rooms at the museum downtown - right next to Sydney Laurence.

Norman Lowell is a member of the church and Hubby's grandaddy's old art instructor. Our home has paintings that grandaddy has done that are all very noticably influenced by Norman. The Gallery is HUGE! We expected a small rustic viewing of some basic Alaskan art, but when we walked in we were absolutely speechless. It's by far, one of the best tourist attractions we've seen in Alaska (as far as art/walking/non-outdoors attractions are concerned).

We finally got home and my back is killing me. I think I may finally be able to sleep now that I've verbally vomited all over the internet (my own personal tube).

Embarrassed to be an Alaskan

Ted Stevens and Internet Tubes - Just in case you haven't heard.

OMG! I'm a "Crunchy Mama"

I never ever thought in my whole life that I could be labeled so easily. I can't believe I'm a crunchy mama!

Realizing of course that no matter how crunchy I get I still LOVE Coke and McDonalds french fries. (it's just the rebel in me)

Hemorroids and other TMI

I want to say I've posted about the joys of giving birth before, but I just figured a little TMI never hurt anyone, and if it does then you should probably just move on to much happier things, like fluffy bunnies and unicorns.

I had an appointment with my midwife today and I decided now was as good a time as any to broach the subject of hemorroids. See, I have one. Yes, I know - I've crossed the line. It's gets so much better though! During the two and half hours I pushed booger out of my hoo-hoo pressure was created in an unwelcome place that created a really fun, and slightly permanent ailment that we'll call hemmie.

Little hemmie and I are not friends. We never will be. And what I really want to avoid is little hemmie bringing any of his friends to the birthing party. I don't have any fears of tearing (been there, have the t-shirt), contractions, or back labor. All of those things are temporary and repairable. Hemmie and his little swollen buddies like to hang around, and they stop me from enjoying the love in my life: Dairy.

Many women have other fears associated with their sphincter and labor as well. Mostly they relate to pooping in front of other people while they're pushing. Yes, for those of you who don't know it is common for a woman to have at least one, if not many, movements when they're pushing. Thankfully, it is so common that the professionals assisting you are generally fast enough to whisk it away before you even know it's happened.

No one has said that I gave freedom to feces during my two and half hour stint, however I was informed of my arse releasing stank. Of course, I don't know if anyone beyond my hubby smelled it because he was pretty much underneath me as I pushed in a birthing chair. (yes, more stuff you really didn't need to know)

So anyway, I inform the midwife that I'm really not keen on hemmie inviting someone without my approval and she gave me some tips to help prepare "down there" for the eventful day, but also reassured me that she would be doing what she could during the birthing process to keep hemmie and his friends inside the door.

What would that entail? Oh, you know, essentially holding her hand on my rectum to provide counter pressure. So since no part of my body is really private and sacred anymore I felt I should share in my good fortune. Either have hemmie bring a friend, or have someone use their hand has a butt plug.

Yay!

Games

What is it with people and playing games? Either by misleading you or by giving you the silent treatment? Do they really think that they're somehow furthering their cause? Of course they are. They have just suckered you into the emotional turmoil of being pissed off or frustrated. They win, no matter what unless you just really don't care.

I care. I hate that I care because overall it tends to hurt me in the end because I stop protecting myself. But I also hate being forced to protect myself. Either I react (and they win because I got mad) or don't react (and they win because they got away with it).

I like to think that as adults we are all mature enough and kind enough to let someone know when we're upset through civil means of communication. Letters, email, phone calls, etc. But games only make the situation worse and prolong the inevitable blow up. And I'm good at blow ups...so I suppose I shouldn't let it bother me, because if it does blow up, I'm better suited to handle it. (Thanks Dad)

Maybe I should be upset that my parents didn't play games with me (at least, not too many) and that confrontation was the key to problem solving. Cause then maybe I would understand how to play the game and win.

I WANNA WIN! WWWAAAAAHHHHH!!!

I hate the train

Yes, I know I'm admitting that a few posts ago I said the train was quaint. How romantic it is that we live in such a stuck up neighborhood that the train goes by our homes and tourists look at us through little windows.

Yeah - I'm a dumbass! Not because I have a problem with the train personally, but when you involve a two year old things get really old really fast. When we went to Fairbanks we thought it would be really great to play up the fact that Nonna and Papa were going to go on the train to Denali. We took her to see the train and pointed it out as we drove up. It was fun and cute. Hubby even got her one of those train whistles and a toy Alaska Railroad train at the depot in Denali before we got on the train to come home.

She talked about the train all weekend. And it was SOOOOO CUTE! What idiots we were! Wednesday morning (our first morning at home) at 7 AM the train went by: CHOO CHOOOOO! The next sound we hear is booger screaming at the top of her lungs, "I HEAR THE CHOO CHOO TRAIN!"

great...just f--ing great. Even then though, we started to giggle. She's so freakin' cute. THEN she continued to scream it over and over again. Progressively getting louder and louder until one of us finally goes in there and brings her back into bed with us.

So, if it was just in the morning we could handle it. No big deal, we would just slide it right into our routine. But last night she was really really tired and crabby, so I got her in the bath and in bed a little early. It would have normally been a difficult night of getting her to relax and go to sleep (we were having some fine "mine" tantrums) when the train went by every hour on the hour (or more). She went from yelling it in excitement to outright panic. The last time it went by was about 11:15 and when I got into her room her expression was total terror, like the train was going to come through her wall and run her over. But she was still saying "I HEAR THE CHOO CHOO TRAIN!"

So for all of those who laughed at me when I said it was "quaint", you have my full permission to rub it in my face. I'm an idiot!

No time, but I'm being neglectful

We've been so busy and I don't have my wireless set up yet (might help if I could find the router in one of the thousand boxes), so I'm just doing a quick update on Hubby's computer.

We moved! YAY! It's superblyfantasticallyfantabulous! It is SO nice! Of course, we couldn't just move and then unpack for the next year. We had to move, then jump onto the crazy-bus to Fairbanks. Well, it's only crazy because it's family (and I don't know anyone that thinks their own family is sane, so I'm safe saying that!).

We had a great trip. Hubby, Booger and I drove to Denali and picked up the rest of the fam off of the McKinley Explorer train and then hauled up to Fairbanks (all 7 of us in a packed suburban) to the Cranberry Ridge B&B. Beautiful place! We really liked it!

I will post pics later, but now that we're back I'm neck deep in unpacking and shopping for things that we need. New house - new organization. In fact I've been told on more than one occasion this past week that I have a rubbermaid problem. Of course admitting it is the first step. I'm not admitting anything. Especially since I just got the greatest underbed storage box.